Pandit Bhavishya Anjaan apologises for releasing this week’s predictions two days late. Actually he was still recovering from the hazard of his only dhoti getting stolen by a Naga baba in Hardwar during the Kumbh.


Monday : You should start dieting to lose some weight, so start fasting to get a nice soulmate (That sounded poetic, didn’t it?)
Tuesday : You will get late for work by eight hours. Returning home, you’ll reach six hours late. Consequently, you’ll get a scolding from your boss and partner (good news my boss’s mental and I don’t have a partner).
Wednesday : You’ll feel low. Spend some time in the nearby circus to feel better when you see people like yourself.
Thursday : You’ll tend to waste your time by pampering your girlfriend. Don’t be a fool; don’t buy her a diamond as Thursdays are not good for monetary exchanges).
Friday : Gift her a cheap teddy today and ask for a hug (nothing, more than love, is injurious for health and wealth). 
Saturday : The Hindu God Shani will punish you for your misdeeds like drinking, eating meat etc. 
Sunday : Kids are advised to watch four adult films in a row. Adults are advised to shoot for adult films.