Country that loses the England-USA soccer match will have to clean the BP oil spill, says British PM

(inputs from Tanay Sukumar)
The recent British Petroleum (BP) oil leak that has caused mayhem off the coast of Louisiana has had the Americans fuming. Lots of efforts by BP to cover the leaking oil-well and cleaning the oil mess have already gone in waste. A hapless and hopeless British government has presented the United States an unprecedented proposal to solve the problem. The loser of the England-US match in the Soccer World Cup will now clean the oil spill mess as well as devise ways to cover the oil well. The weird idea brings to the fore the quintessential English qualities and practices of love for football, betting and exploiting virgin lands and fucking-them-up forever.

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“Since the British Petroleum doesn’t hire bright Indian engineers like Americans do, their efforts have understandably gone waste. On behalf of the whole of Britain, I would like to say that we have faced inflicted bigger damages in the past. With the World Cup having started, I challenge Mr Obama and his government that our men will continue their attempts to clean up the oil spill and bring things on track, if US manages to beat us in the June 12 match. In case that doesn’t happen, the duty passes on to America,” declared UK Prime Minister David Cameron today.

This will be the first time two countries as disastrous as UK and US will attempt to control a disaster. That too, it being real-time disaster-management through betting.  The BP oil spill is the largest oil leak disaster in American history. Various US diplomats and President Obama himself, have openly criticised the British company for being so lax in its administration of resources. Under fire from various sources over this, the oil major now has its back up to the wall.

The United Nations has praised the UK for such an innovative idea in the heat of the World Cup. FIFA and the official broadcasters of the World Cup matches have welcomed this, expecting a huge oil-spill boost in the viewership during the match. Even the fishermen and property agents in Louisiana like the idea. “A soccer game is bigger than oil spills. It is good that soccer will be used to settle disputes,” said a resident in an affected area. However, various betting organizations have raised a hue and cry over this.

Soon after this, Vice-President Joe Biden, who is in South Africa to watch the tournament, visited the US team camp demanding them to beat the English team, come what may; otherwise the team would have to clean the oil spill themselves. However, there has been no reaction yet from the US government officially.

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Soham Sabale

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