Govt announces reservations of stadium seats for Jats during CWG so that they don’t play spoilsport

New Delhi: 
The Jat community has ended their blockage of the water canal in the capital, after the government announced a plan to ensure that they do not prove to be spoilsport during the Commonwealth Games in October. The Jats, who have been revolting for reservation in government jobs and have threatened to boycott the Games, have been offered a reservation of a different type: reservation of seats in the Games stadiums. The reservation is a well-known status symbol of the twenty-first century, and refers to a special certificate saying that the long-ago ancestors of a certain person were socially weak or ill-treated.

The Home Ministry has said in a press release, “We have decided to offer the Jat community as much as 100% reservation among Indian spectators to watch the Commonwealth Games. All other spectators other than foreigners will be Jats. They just need to promise that they will not bring harm to the progress of the Games in New Delhi. We agree to reviewing their demand after the Games.”

Why do they demand reservations? Why don’t they just go and stamp their authority on all government jobs, if they have the power to make us thirsty?

The water crisis which was expected in various parts of the capital due to the protests has been averted. When asked why they had chosen such a weird method to showcase their protest, a Jat leader justified that the community wanted to picnic around somewhere under the pretext of a protest, and the canal was supposedly a good place. They spent time by swimming, chatting, and occasional slogan-chanting during their stay there today morning.

The Commonwealth Games CEO Mike Hooper has expressed shock on how a community as strong as the Jats be deemed “socially weak”. “What exactly do they mean by reservations? Does the Indian government reserve jobs for so strong people? Ones who can cause water scarcity in the national capital? I hope the community contributes to a successful Games.”

A Jat leader has called the government’s decision a “trick”. “We already have plans to spoil the government’s efforts for a successful CWG. We will circulate posters and pamphlets that label those who pee in MCD urinals as Thu Thu Kumar and Su Su Kumar. We will pull Shiela Dixit and MCD’s pants down. We’ll demolish all urinals. People will be taught to pee and spit on roads and in the mouths of foreigners,” he said.

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Tanay Sukumar

I founded this website in 2009. I served as Editor-in-Chief from November 2009 to May 2013.
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