#India Staff Picks

India asks UK to return Koh-i-noor, UK asks India to return the English language

The United Kingdom has asked India to return the English language in the same condition they took it from them, before it can demand the Koh-i-noor diamond.

A spokesperson for the British Embassy said that India should treat the Koh-i-noor as compensation for the damages they inflicted upon their language.

The Archaeological Survey of India (ASI) had asked UK yesterday to return the Koh-i-noor diamond which was taken away during the British rule.

The British government has alleged that India stole their great language and has made a mess out of it.

“India had a motive behind holding the Commonwealth Games in Delhi. Their aim was to hire their thieves to steal the Koh-i-noor diamond out of the Queen’s crown as she visited them but now that the Queen has decided not to attend the Games, they have come out openly to ask for it back,” suggested a British MP.

“The main reason we left India was not Gandhi, Nehru and their other ‘freedom fighters’, as they teach their kids at school. Actually we could not bear any more humiliation of our great language. So we thought it was time to leave,” said a British historian.

“In fact they call a tribal language called ‘Hinglish’ as ‘English’! Look at their roadsigns. They think quality begins with a K, they ‘thank all of you all’, they ‘hardly work’. Their TV show producers use two Ks when a single one can serve the purpose. After the partition, Pakistanis turned out to be even bigger comedians at speaking English,” he continued.

“India should be grateful that we gave them the English language, by means of which they have reached the American corner every corner of the world now and taking away all the jobs,” said Prime Minister David Cameron. “The least they can do in return is to let us keep the diamond. The most they can do is to get beaten by our cricket team always.”

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Kartik Anand


  • Madness… Fighting like babies. Ask them to give our numerical values back… British stole our numbers.

  • Fitting!!! The English should have also asked back the Railways, the Postal system, the roads and Canals, and the power plants. BTB I have no idea what they would do with 'Hinglish'!!!

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