#Sports

Common Man asked to train for CWG, as more athletes refuse to come to India


New Delhi: 
For Delhi the Queen, Of Delhi the Queen,
By
Delhi Delhiites – 21st century British Raj 
“The Common Man has paid enough, it’s time he played,” says the Commonwealth Games Organising Committee. As various athletes from all over the world have no time to come and participate in the 2010 Games in Delhi, it is expected that the tournament will be reduced to a private affair now – no outsider to praise or rebuke, and no scope of embarrassment.

The sportspersons who have not yet officially pulled out have confirmed that they will pull out at the last minute. In the midst of the terrible situation, the Delhi government is not worried as it knows how easily the common man can be hypnotised to fall into its tricks. The current plan is to prepare a team of common people who will take part in various events.

The Games Mascot –
trying to be tiger
while you are still poor.
Fooling one and all.
“A majority of Delhiites can ride a bicycle, go to the gym and have heard of hockey. Other than cycling, gymnastics and hockey, we’ve started training for other disciplines. So what if no professional athlete comes here? – we will still provide the best Games ever – one in which everybody turns out a winner,” said Suresh Kalmadi, the blind man who was somehow able to see the vision of India hosting CWG.

This has been his idea for a long time, he said – to set up a situation in which no one comes to play except Indians, and hence no embarrassment for anyone, resulting in appreciation for him.
  
“Most students will be free from school and college during the Games, so we are mainly targetting students to participate. We’ve already thrown them out of their hostels so that they get used to the challenging training. All women’s events training will be done by honourable retired Indian hockey coach M. K. Kaushik, and all men’s events will be trained by myself. To screw things up more, we have already trained Mani Shankar Aiyar, who will make a late entry to spoil stuff if not already spoilt,” said Kalmadi.

Kalmadi’s close aides have suggested that he had thought of this plan to get all money India and Indians had. He is claiming Games is his baby – an illegitimate one. About corruption charges, he has just one thing to say, “Toilet paper is my sole diet, and I’ll spend any amount of money for it.” He has promised that he himself will don the boxing gloves or strip to the underwear for swimming events if there are not enough participants.

About the author

Tanay Sukumar

I founded this website in 2009. I served as Editor-in-Chief from November 2009 to May 2013.
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