If I were the Queen, I would have sent my statues to declare the Games open: Mayawati

Mayawati as seen in a screenshot
of what she saw in her dreams
Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Mayawati has a free advice for Queen Elizabeth II. With a feud cropping up between the Delhi government and the British Crown regarding who will inaugurate the Games in the Queen’s absence — India’s Head of State or Prince Charles —,  Queen Elizabeth II was the only lady who could have stopped it. She could just have thrown away her “busy life” in Buckingham Palace and decided to be present herself on the opening ceremony in New Delhi.

But no, she didn’t; and as if there was a scarcity of troubles surrounding the Games, the media enjoyed this extra bite of sandwich provided by the two duelling parties. Meanwhile, Mayawati, herself a royal lady who can uplift masses by creating statues, has this suggestion for the Queen. “If I were the Queen of Great Britain, I would have sent all my statues to represent myself at the Commonwealth Games,” read out Mayawati in Hindi, in her usual fashion — as if dictating to either a person hard at hearing, or a person who has just learnt the language. 

Prince Charles reacts on watching
Mayawati on the news
“Even if I had a son like Elizabeth has, I wouldn’t have bothered to let him represent me. I am bigger than the world, I am bigger than everyone. These statues can really come in handy at situations where you can’t yourself be present somewhere. Just see, my statue resembles me so much, and even in my constituency, people have seen more of me through newspaper ads and statues than my actual figure.”

Mayawati blasted the media and Indian government of having even considered the idea of President Pratibha Patil inaugurating the Games. “Mrs Patil might be the President of India and Elizabeth might be the Queen of England, but they have no statues of theirs to boast of. Queens like me are found rarely in a developing country like India. I should have been given the honour,” said Mayawati.

Mayawati reacts in excitement on being
asked what she would do if made Queen
of the Commonwealth.
“And yeah,” she added, “I’m not so stupid that I’d actually send my statues from London to New Delhi. I’d definitely ask the Indian government to take few millions out of the income tax they collect, and build my statues there itself. This would save us the transportation cost.”

In another recent development, Delhi CM Sheila Dixit and the now-ousted Organising Committee head Suresh Kalmadi are fighting over who will declare the Games “corrupt”. The Indian news media, an army of snakes, Arnab Goswami, all the athletes who are pulling out and terrorist groups are also busy fighting a battle of who’ll take the final spoilsport step of declaring the Games “closed”.

About the author

Tanay Sukumar

I founded this website in 2009. I served as Editor-in-Chief from November 2009 to May 2013.
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