Monday: You should have watched what you ate over the weekend because the flush is not going to work on Monday morning, giving you a perfect start to the week.
Tuesday: Be careful with your messaging style as you are likely to send a vulgar SMS, meant for your langotiya friend, to your girlfriend’s friend instead. All those bucks that you wasted in canteen on your girlfriend and her friends are likely to get flushed down the drain.
Wednesday: You will get your credit card bill today and it will give you constipation. Don’t trust any of your farts the entire day, I mean their sound volume and intensity. Bending a spoon mentally will appear easier to you today than controlling your farts.
Thursday: Your health-related problems will continue to bother you. Finally you will decide to go to a big hospital like Manipal or Apollo. That will cost you a fortune. Its gonna hurt even more when only acidity will be diagnosed.
Friday: You could be in for a big heartbreak, since you’ve been anxious whole week about the Diwali leaves you applied for at office. Of course you can get the decision in your favor by agreeing to sodomy, but that’s not the easiest of calls to make. Is Diwali really worth it?
Saturday: This could be a day of extremes depending upon if you got your leave approved or not. If you didn’t, then you can proceed to burrow your sorrows in a couple of porno flicks and if you got them approved then, well, I guess you will be at the airport today. But don’t get too excited in the latter case, as the metal-detector will go berserk when you pass through it, owing to your iron-rich blood. The nightmare will continue as neither will you get the window seat nor will there be any hot chick sitting next to you. In fact your stars suggest, it could be an old farting uncle next to you.
Sunday: You have planned to forgive others for their mistakes and be good to everyone from today on, courtesy the festive mood. You will be almost on the top of the world when you will be informed of a death of a far-off relative, thereby screwing the celebrations. At this, a very irrelevant song comes into your weird mind, “Kabhi kabhi Aditi zindagi mein yun hi koi apna lagta hai”.