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100 kg of Diwali greeting cards found to be contaminated with fake wishes


A survey of Diwali greeting cards weighing over 100 kilograms has revealed that many people are indulging in sending fake wishes to friends, family members and relatives.

The survey was done by psychologists who claim they can analyse season’s greetings and find out the actual feelings in the mind of the sender.

“If you thought only milk cakes, petha and mawa can be contaminated, think again. We’ve observed that people’s feelings can also be severely adulterated in today’s life,” said a member of the survey team. Quintals of sweets with poisonous ingredients have also been recently recovered in various parts of the country.

Mechanism of the survey
The process of the survey was simple. The municipality recovered a huge sample of greeting cards from garbage-bins all over the city. These cards were apparently thrown into garbage by the people who received them, as soon as they got them. The team of psychologists went through the greeting cards and tried to decode what feelings were in the mind of the sender while sending them. “The touch and the language of the card tell a lot about the feelings attached with it. Every card has a story to tell, which only our team can decode,” explained the team member.

Findings
1. “The most interesting sample we found was a set of ten Happy Holi cards sent for Diwali. All ten were sent from the same person. The person hadn’t even checked the card before sending! Besides, we saw that the ink used on the envelopes was that of an expensive pen, but the Holi cards inside were a year old and worth Rs 5/- only.”

2. “There’s another card, with nothing except Shubh Deepawali written, sent by a woman to her mother. Our experts say that the story behind this card is that the woman had rebuked her old mother badly last year, and has never talked to her since then.”

3. “This card we found contained a letter as well. The letter reads, ‘Dear Bhaiya, Sorry for not being in touch for last two years. I heard you got a promotion and now you recruit new job candidates at office. Congratulations! Happy Diwali to you, Bhabhi and Chintu. P.S. I am looking for a job in Jaipur. I hope you could help me. P.P.S. How are you? Yours forever, Rajesh.’ The letter is heavily adulterated with contaminated feelings. The words ‘Yours forever’ are like pesticides in mawa and milk.”

4. “Worst of all, a lady who had recently appeared on Rakhi Ka Insaaf in an infidelity case, has sent her husband (who works elsewhere) a very sweet-looking Diwali greeting. People who had seen the show say the couple had used really bad vocabulary for each other on air.”

Reactions
Some celebrities we talked to have accepted that people don’t mean their wishes nowadays.

“These findings are not a big deal. Wishing takes a lot, but showing that you wish takes nothing. I bet I can beat up Shah Rukh and say all the best for your next film at the same time,” said Salman Khan on Bigg Boss, where the hooligan Dolly Bindra also angrily used the words “Happy Diwali” among cuss words to Shweta Tiwari.

“Although I want all the crackers that bastard Draco Malfoy buys, to go into smoke without bursting, I am surely going to tag him in a Happy Diwali photo in my Facebook album tomorrow night, it gives out a nice impression,” said Harry Potter.


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Tanay Sukumar

I founded this website in 2009. I served as Editor-in-Chief from November 2009 to May 2013.
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