ProblemAtique #8 | The guy who is single even after sending 20000 FB friend requests

A sad, single and despo guy to Chachi: Chachi, I urgently need a girlfriend. And have tried all means for it: sent a record number of 20000+ fraand requests, loads of inbox messages to pretty/non-pretty/ugly/very ugly girls/non-males saying ‘can we be friendship?‘, complimented on their dress, jewelery, hair, eyes, nose, skin colour, socks, smile, teeth, toothbrush, toothpaste and what not! Blindly ‘liked’ their comments (that were mostly nothing more than dozens of hearts and ‘shona/cutie pie/my baby/bachcha‘ etc., for their girl friends, that is) created fake profiles with good-looking DPs and then sent ‘hii baby!‘ messages….. and so on. And all that I’ve got in response is: “Get lost you DESPO!“.

Help me, Chachi! Girls who’d be otherwise starved of a single stare in real life are now calling me DESPO! What could be worse!!! And even after tolerating so much, I still am single. Why Chachi, why?


Chachi Chaudhary speaks — Wow, “Urgently”! I thought it’s an emergency, then realized it’s a yet another case of despo-ness a.k.a desperation a.k.a “Boys on Facebook”.

My dear fraud friend fraand, do you realize why you are single even after so much effort? It’s because you put in so much effort!
Every other boy does all this, how do you think the girl will notice you? I have the tips:

1. The next time you see a girl’s pic, do everything other than complimenting her. If there is/are other girls in that pic, talk about THEIR eyes, nose, hair, dress and all that you mentioned. If not, then let the mall, the zoo, the road, the college (wherever the pic was clicked) be the subject of your appreciation. If not even that, then write poems about the blueness of the skies, or the breed of her pet, or the furnishing of her house, or the colour of her curtains, or her mobile phone!
But, if it’s a guy along with her, don’t be rash and do what I said above, lest you are assumed GAY. If it’s a guy with her in the pic, one thing is simple… SHE’S NOT AVAILABLE! So, just move on.

2. Please don’t like their “hearty” (♥♥♥♥♥♥) comments, girls find it gay for a guy to like or use hearts in comments. And girls sure don’t like gay guys. Quite obviously.

3. Chuck the inbox messages man! Stop making a loser of yourself if you don’t know what to write in a private message! Firstly, learn clearly the spellings of the word “FRIEND”. If a girl has mockingly replied, “no we cannot be FRIENDSHIP”, it’s clear… you need to work hard on…. tenses. So, before you let a girl make your life tense, learn tenses.

I only ‘hope’ that you got it. But I KNOW you didn’t get it. Even though this is the first time I talked sense

….Frustrated by a message that came just moments ago, and said to me: “Hey Baby, have been searching for a girl like you. Let’s be friendship?”. Which brings me to the fourth tip, please check the girls’ age at least. I had to reply to the moron: “No baby boy. Sorry, but am suffering from great depression after losing my teeth set :(

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By Sugandha