#Sports

Joginder Sharma recalled for World Cup as “surprise package” in Indian team


Don’t you dare go by my village-boy looks!
In a shocking development, Indian selectors have recalled the last-over star of the 2007 T20 World Cup, Joginder Sharma to the national side for ODI WC 2011. “Joginder was our lucky charm in 2007, so we’ve decided to take the gamble again. We’ve been observing PCB coming up with moronic decisions for quite some time now, so it was time we stepped on the paddle and showed them their place. Who said they have the patent to stupidity,” said chief selector Kris Srikkanth.

He dismissed beliefs that Sharma had been dumped all this while. “You thought we dumped him for being a rat-faced boring bowler with turtle-shaming pace? We’ve done a tremendous job in preserving him like a mummy since that World Cup final. He has been chained in his own house so as to prevent even a single public appearance, not to mention the Obama-like four-layer security cover that we have provided him.”

Hornswaggle: Joginder Sharma
of WWE?

Justifying the decision, Srikkanth put forth a situation, “Just visualize a crunch situation like the WC final where the opposing team’s star batsman is expecting to face Bhajji’s pehlasdoosras and teesras or Zaheer’s swinging bazookas, but to his surprise, he discovers the ball being handed over to the Hornswoggle Of Indian Cricket, Joginder Sharma. Now that’s enough to rattle even the best of batsmen! Isn’t it? So the decision sounds nice and wise. Mindgames! How can one easily forget our last such tactic? Remember Zaheer sledging Gilly in the first over of the 2003 WC final? That was my brainchild and rest as they say is history!”


The other Haryana Hurricane a.k.a. Kapil Dev, meanwhile has slammed Cricinfo for comparing him with Joginder Sharma in the latter’s player profile. “I wasn’t even so peeved when I broke Hadlee’s record and people told me they were happy that I would finally retire, but there is no way in the world that I am going to tolerate a comparison with that cricket blank-slate,” said a teary-eyed Kapil, reminding people of his critically acclaimed melodramatic act when he was accused of match-fixing.

Indian captain M S Dhoni, speaking in a press conference, welcomed Sharma’s selection, “Yes! You heard it right. Joginder is indeed going to be our surprise package for the mega event.” About his masterstroke of giving Joginder the last over of 2007 T20 WC, Dhoni said proudly, “Honestly speaking, it was more of a circumstantial decision than shrewdness. None of the established bowlers were ready to jeopardize their endorsements careers by bowling the final deciding over against the arch-rivals Pakistan in a WC final.”

Joginder, who is fondly referred to by his teammates as Kauwa (crow), due to the resemblance between his bowling skills and that of Glenn McGrath (nicknamed “Pigeon” by teammates), said in a text message, “I care for nobody’s comments. Just remember that I did what even your so-called God Sachin could not, i.e., won India a World Cup. Now suck on it!” Last heard, Shiv Sainiks had already breached the first three layers of Sharma’s security cover (namely a STOP sign post, a wooden fence and a pomeranian) and are bringing down his bedroom plastic door (the final layer) carrying a birdcage.

Ab thakna mana nahi hai! I’ll do it for you Preity!

Meanwhile, in a totally unrelated news, healthcare giant Revital has issued Yuvraj Singh a deadline of one month to get in shape. In a statement issued to the press, Revital’s media manager said, “The World Cup is round the corner. We have already incurred gigantic losses showing him and his tummy pounding on that innocent treadmill. We are just not hip to that idea anymore!” To Yuvi’s relief, Stayfit, the numero uno treadmill manufacturer has proposed Revital to compensate for their losses provided they continue to show Yuvi bulldoze a treadmill of their brand.


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Ankur Nigam

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3 Comments

    • Anybody who has even an iota of a talent or has worked hard even for a single goddamn day in his life, would be peeved to see Joginder Sharma playing international cricket.. or may be Im insane.. i think the latter is correct 😉

  • Anybody who has even an iota of a talent or has worked hard even for a single goddamn day in his life, would be peeved to see Joginder Sharma playing international cricket.. or may be Im insane.. i think the latter is correct 😉

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