UPA allows BJP to hoist an Italian flag at Lal Chowk on Republic Day

New Delhi: 
In a sudden turnaround of events, Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) and Congress have signed a “secret pact” which would allow BJP activists to hoist a flag at Lal Chowk, Srinagar, with some “minor” change. The bizarre change is that the flag which to be hoisted shall be not of the Indian republic but of Italy. The BJP’s controversial Ekta Yatra, in order to hoist the Indian tricolour at the landmark, had kicked up a political storm of late.

Now, J & K government has also agreed to
the Italian flag

Congress spokesman Manish Tiwary, famous for his ‘better-than-dog-loyalty’, spoke to NTMN through his 2G-enabled phone (he told us this fact 19 times while speaking), “In order to please everyone including BJP, Kashmiri separatists and my own party members, we have decided to allow BJP to hoist Italy’s flag as it is a true symbol of natural beauty. No… this has got nothing to do with Mrs. Sonia Gandhi’s Italian origin… they would hoist Italy’s flag because it would serve the purpose of both parties, by neutralising the situation, and it would not harm anyone’s sentiments.”

But, our very reliable sources in the BJP have informed us that the party has referred to a famous book, 1001 Naughty Tricks for a way to trick Congress by a special master plan. They will go to Lal Chowk with an Italian flag in the hand but just at the time of hoisting the flag, they will take out the Indian tricolour, kept secretly in a carry-bag, and then will hoist it publicly.

Afzal Guru, the man with a long life

Meanwhile this news of “secret pact” has not gone well with Kashmiri separatists. They have planned to hoist Pakistan’s flag at Lal Quila in New Delhi on the Indian Republic Day. They have also requested Delhi’s Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit to allow Afzal Guru (a certified terrorist accused of attacking the Indian Parliament in 2001) to be present at the proceedings on that day while hoisting Pakistan’s flag. The CM is well-known for her kindness to Afzal Guru, that she showed by delaying his execution orders and keeping his matters pending with the President of India. As expected, she said, “We are considering their request, but they need to understand that Afzalji is an old man now… he has reported severe pain in legs, and so we will first make sure that he is physically fit, otherwise there is no need to trouble the poor man.”

Reportedly, separatists also approached Maharasthra government, making a similar request for Ajmal Kasab (accused for 26/11 attacks). However Kasab himself refused to attend the event saying, “For some stupid flag-hoisting, I will certainly not miss my 3-4 meals of yummy butter-chicken that I get in jail. And moreover, Pakistan backstabbed me when I was looking up to them for help. They disowned me!”, Kasab started weeping while speaking, but immediately cheered-up when another Pakistani jail-mate whispered a non-veg Sania Mirza joke in his ear.

But the most important breaking news that has cropped up now is that the Indian government has found a permanent solution to the Kashmir problem. The meeting at 10 Janpath was held to discuss Manish Tiwary’s reasonableness while speaking as he gave nonsense reasons to the media to justify the Congress agreeing to hoist an Italian flag. But they have come out with a shocking idea for Kashmir. They have decided that the state of Jammu and Kashmir will be divided into 15 parts and each part will be distributed on a ‘First some first serve basis”. The parties to the distribution will include Kashmiri separatists, PoK terrorists, China, Pakistan Army and the Pakistan government (yes, the Pakistan Government and Army have bid for the region separately, as they have different proposes).

About the author

Adarsh Ladda

A CA student, and also doing B Com, from Delhi Univ. Loves writing, reading (newspapers and fiction), travelling. Loves following cricket (though extremely bad at playing it!). Is a foodie, loves eating Indian spiceworks! Doesnt miss out on movies, and is an ardent lover of music. Plays synthesizer fluently and is also learning guitar.

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