WikiLeaks, today, dropped another bomb on the world’s largest democracy, by publishing as many as 798,998 documents (still counting) about the ruling Congress party’s plenary session, held at Burari, Delhi in December 2010. The leaked documents show interesting resolutions undertaken by the Congress at the meet. Our experts have carefully drafted this synopsis of some of these shocking but interesting pledges and decisions:
|Manmohan Singh — The innocence
1. Members of the Youth Congress have raised concerns over the ageing leadership, including Sonia Gandhi, the party president (but excluding Prime Minister Manmohan Singh). Party members have carefully noticed the stretch-marks and ageing lines on Sonia’s face and some went on to assert that “now, even Olay and Lakmé can’t do anything”. The PM was however declared to be “still as young as a little child”.
2. All partymen were taught that they are not astrologers. The Prime Minister was in fact asked to write “I am not an astrologer” on a sheet of paper 100 times, so that he knew the right words when talking to the media.
3. It was suggested that Rahul Gandhi should now take over the charge of the top post and he should immediately marry. A top leader said, “We have to make sure that our party’s leadership protocol, i.e., to have a Gandhi to replace a Gandhi at the top post, is never breached. So, it is important that Rahul should have some kids, for which marriage
holds might hold the key. He should visit more Dalit families to find Miss Right soon.”
4. No Congressman should use the videos of their respected leader, N D Tiwari as a means of entertainment, it was decided.
5. Since the government has not made any productive communication with Pakistan after 26/11, the Congress has decided it will continue with its Pakistan-bashing policy and its ministers will continue reshuffling the statements, “Pakistan should punish the terrorists” “We’ll not tolerate any kind of terrorism in our country originating from Pakistan”, “We hope that 26/11 victims will get justice”.
6. There was a suggestion that all criminal activities originating from Sonia Gandhi’s homeland be legalized. Ottavio Quattrocchi’s name was used as an example. As WikiLeaks says, Mrs Gandhi immediately sported a naughty smile on her face after hearing the word ‘Italy’.
7. Congress leaders have finally decided not to discuss anything on the issue of black money stashed in Swiss banks, considering the high stakes they themselves own there. Digvijay Singh has been handed over the responsibility to counter the opposition on their demand of bringing back the cash from Swiss banks. He has been asked to somehow relate this issue with Hindu Terrorism and RSS.
8. Senior leaders suggested that they should increase the prices of commodities like petrol and basic food items (rice, wheat, pulses, cereals) in order to deviate people’s minds from other major scams like 2G spectrum, Commonwealth Games, Adarsh Housing, Bofors, etc. This suggestion was immediately acted upon.
9. Partymen have asked the top brass to request BCCI (Board for Control of Cricket in India) to prepone the Cricket World Cup, which will save them from the public’s wrath and various protests on scams, price-rise and other issues. A suggestion said, “Our country loves cricket, so when they will be glued to TV sets, they will hardly get any time to think about our scams and poor governance.”
10. Surrounded by various scandals and charges of poor governance, the party is afraid that there may be mid-term polls for the General Elections. Therefore, they agreed to a new slogan to woo voters, “Rahul baba ki muskaan pe… Mohar lagegi haath pe”. ‘Haath’ (Hand) is the electoral symbol of Congress party. However, Rahul Gandhi has protested the use of phrase “Rahul Baba”, saying it is contradictory to his cool image and colourful attire.
How the government reacts to these revelations by WikiLeaks, is yet to be seen.