Kasab`s kids to be counted in advance for 2021 Census

Kasab’s inclusion in 2011 Census is
crucial as it will increase India’s
population by millions.

It has been finalised that at least five children will be counted in advance for the population headcount of the 2021 Indian Census, with Ajmal Aamir Kasab listed as their father in records. The five children (two girls, two terrorists and a boy) are expected to grow up to be the future of India. This comes soon after Kasab’s proposed inclusion in the ongoing 2011 Census. Kasab, a single person when seen on TV the last time, is alone expected to increase the Indian population by millions — to bring India closer to China in the population catch-up. 

The decision to include Kasab’s future kids as well, was made by Mumbai’s Census Office after NTMN raised the point that Kasab may still have enough life, energy and goodness left on Indian soil, to marry and have kids here within the next ten years. 

“Even bulls and dogs can reproduce well when injected with good food, this man is at least a human being; and medical reports show that Kasab is being fed well enough to keep him physically, mentally, reproductively, sexually fit for a long time to come. As soon as the courts grant him access to a wife, India may be gifted with some new bright faces in time for the next Census. The figure was set at five children, even though Kasab will also be consulted about this,” said the city’s census officer G T Ambe.

Most of India has reacted in a friendly way to this. “We accept Kasab with open arms, closed mind and zero common sense. He is part of us, he is an Indian,” writes a Kasab supporter on Facebook. Most Kasab supporters, however, have been observed to be sarcastic people and satire-writers, who never mean what they say.

Government spokesperson Manish Tewari said, “It is an honour for us to be serving Kasab with the best of our hospitality. Leaving him out and declaring India’s population as 1,02,45,26,782 instead of 1,02,45,26,783 would be an insult to his services to the nation. If UPA remains in power for another term, we’ll make sure there are separate ministries for Kasab’s Health Welfare, Women and Child Development (dedicated to his family), Finance, etc.”

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Tanay Sukumar

I founded this website in 2009. I served as Editor-in-Chief from November 2009 to May 2013.
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