Meira Kumar recruits school-teachers to help tackle unruly MPs

Exasperated beyond measure with the recent Parliament session, Lok Sabha speaker Meira Kumar has called for the help of schoolteachers to deal with unruly MPs. Mrs. Kumar’s personal secretary visited several schools across the city over the past two days, in order to select teachers with a vast experience of dealing with kids. The twenty teachers who have been selected, have come together to form an Association of Teachers for Disobedient MPs.

Explaining the reason for her decision, Kumar said, “Our MPs are wild and unmanageable. They are like undisciplined children because they talk too much; they shout, call each other names and show inability to understand other people. Also, they have poor social skills. Obviously, these members have not been to schools or their teachers were lax in punishing them for bad behaviour. In order to remedy this situation, I have recruited some teachers, who will deal with these MPs during the parliament proceedings, as well as give them lessons.”

One teacher, 50-year-old Sushma Advani gave us a glimpse of the stringent punishments planned to be employed upon MPs who behave like schoolchildren:

• Stand up on the bench
• Kneel down for the rest of the session
• Stand outside the room for the rest of the session
• A fine of Rs 10,000 every time an MP speaks without the speaker’s permission
• Write “I will not interrupt when someone talks” 100 times on a sheet of paper

They have also adopted a few general measures to minimize disobedience:

• Playing slow, soothing music in the room; especially tunes that are known to have put an angry bull to sleep
• Switching off the lights so that the members can’t point fingers or see the person whom one wants to attack

Apart from these measures, there will be children-teacher meetings (CTMs) at the end of every session. “Parent-teacher meetings are for schools. Here, CTMs should work better, as it would embarrass MPs more if complaints are made in front of their children instead of parents. On the occasion, a ‘most well-mannered MP’ award will be given. Names of members who are polite, as well as those who stay calm when provoked, will be noted for this purpose,” said the seniormost member of the teachers’ group, Mrs. Rani Laxmibai. “We hope that the ruling and opposition parties compete for this award.”

The teachers will also conduct etiquette classes for the MPs. “I think some members also suffer from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). We will counsel the severely affected members,” said Mrs. Laxmibai, who has specialized in dealing with people with behavioural problems. She is known to have taught Rakhi Sawant at school.

Mrs. Kumar is very happy with the plan formulated by TDMP. “I would like MPs to behave like civilized adults. I am going to leave no stone unturned,” Mrs. Kumar declared vehemently. “If this fails, I’m going to recruit circus trainers,” she signed off.

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