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India to spend millions of dollars on anti-ageing potion for Sachin Tendulkar

Impressed by Team India’s victorious World Cup campaign with the slogan “Win it for Sachin”, the BCCI has announced it will sponsor the manufacture of an anti-ageing potion for Sachin Tendulkar.

This was decided immediately after the final match in Mumbai, and was announced by Ravi Shastri at the post-match presentation.

Sources have put the cost of the project at nothing below a million dollars, if at all the product needs a 100% success guarantee of not letting Tendulkar get old as he gets older.

“When he was dropped so many times in the semi-final, we felt that he might not be the actual God. Maybe that he has been impersonating God for all this long; and if he actually is a man like us, it is possible that he also gets old and retires one day. The final, where he got just 18, strengthened this idea. That day of retirement could be very close, and to prevent this, the Board needs to take steps today, and now,” explained the Board President Shashank Manohar.

Reportedly, on the night of the semi-final, senior BCCI officials called up yoga guru and budding politician Baba Ramdev to take assistance over this. When asked how he himself plans to live for 150 years, and what to do to gain infinite immortality, he suggested that Sachin should wear saffron, and grow his hair and beard like himself. After he becomes a charming form of the hairy Lasith Malinga, he would need to regularly consume expensive dosages of an anti-ageing potion manufactured by Ramdev’s Patanjali Chikitsalaya.

“The anti-ageing potion would be costly as it would have the blue blood of the whole Indian population. To take blood samples, ICC chief Sharad Pawar will request the puppet government to conduct a new Census of India to make a database of cricket fans, and take a millilitre of their blue blood for the potion.

The move, if it takes shape, is expected to ensure that future Indian teams also win World Cups with the slogan “win it for Sachin”. Ramdev also advised Tendulkar to form a political party, which would damn him enough to delay his departure from the world, so he could play cricket longer.

(concept: Sugandha)

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Tanay Sukumar

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