“Bear Grylls is a very cruel individual who has no respect for life of animals other than himself. Eating an animal alive is no way of surviving. The show that this man does is totally pointless. I mean, only a dumbass would dare to go out there—why can’t he just sit at home, play video games and wait for his mother to serve him something good to eat, like I do?!” wondered a PETA official on their official blog. “We’ve sent him many notices earlier, but he didn’t regard any. Another reason for suing him is because our reports have found that wherever he goes the population of adder snakes hits the endangered mark.”
In response to this, Grylls termed the whole episode “nonsense”. He stated that eating snakes is a basic technique for survival. “Recently, some tourists didn’t eat snakes at all during their trip to mangrove forests in Asia. Only one of them survived somehow, and was rescued by a team of special troops who found the guy limbless,” he defended himself. “My show is a perfect survival guide; it is not offensive or harmful in any kind of way—we always double check to delete my lovemaking scenes with the Grizzly Bear.” On being questioned what he plans to do now, Bear said that he’ll wait for the court hearing. Till then he would shoot for the last episode of Man vs. Wild series in a place called Mordor.
On suggestions that no place called Mordor exists in reality, he called them absurd. “You’ll now say that Voldermort was killed all by himself,” he said. Upon contacting his personal physician, Dr. S. Chanderpaul, we discovered that Bear suffers from a rare disease called “Hccino Frexxes” which affects the mental ability of a person to imagine things.