#Politics Staff Picks - Archived

An institute to help you throw shoes at politicians without missing the aim

Inspired by all the common men who have been caught throwing shoes at celebrities politicians, a social activist has decided to set up an “Institute for Skills in Shoe-Shoving”, that will give diplomas to people in the art of throwing shoes at politicians. Announcing the institute as a new branch of his existing NGO, Anna Karore said that politicians all around the world are becoming victims of shoe-hurling incidents and so setting up such an institute will help in developing perfection in the job. “The government has been unable to stop these shoe-bombing incidents. When shoes come flying from all over to hit the ministers, they just escape by a fraction. Passers-by are at a high risk in such cases. We hope that training people in this sport will ensure that the shoes reach the target.”

Taking the instance of the latest daredevil Kapil Thakur, Karore said in his press conference, “Shoe-hurling is justified in his case since it was aimed at Mr Kalmadi, the wrecker-in-chief of Commonwealth Games held in Delhi. But his aim was deplorable. What if it had hit someone else?! It’s a great shame for the land which produced Arjuna and Eklavya.” (Ironically, this correspondent notes, Mr Kalmadi started his political career in the late 1970s by throwing slippers at Prime Minister Morarji Desai’s car in Pune—testifying what goes around comes around.) Karore being a crorepati himself, the institute will be a marvellous display of his wealth combined with his hatred for the political setup.

The institute will also make students practise on video games like these

An information brochure released to the media tells that the institute will be set up in New Delhi, near the Parliament itself. The candidate intake would be based on various parameters like hatred against politicians, aim-o-scale, corrupt-neta-dummy-hitting, etc. They will be taught by the best archers, and shoes will be sponsored by bigwigs like Reebok, Nike, Adidas, and Mahendra Singh Dhoni, etc. Muntadhar al-Zaidi, who threw a shoe at George W Bush few years ago, will be a visiting faculty.

This institute is planned to house a museum with statues of corrupt politicians. These statues will be used as targets for the students to practise shoe-throwing or to vent out their frustration. The public would also be able to avail these museum facilities at a minimum price. The brochure says that in case a politician’s statue breaks in the process, it will either be re-built using money from Swiss Bank account of that particular politician, or be replaced by one of his statues which litter public roads. Students will be given rigorous target practice and their degrees would be awarded only when they hit bull’s eye from a distance of 10 feet.

Karore revealed that he has written a letter to the Ministry of Sports, to request the Olympics authorities to include Shoe-Throw as a discipline in the upcoming London 2012 Olympics or further editions. “This could end the drought of medals that India faces in Olympics every year,” Karore said, “With such an institute being set up for the first time in history, the first batch is sure to have excellent placements since demands for such accurate shoe throwers is very high in the market and they are very rare to get.”

In related news, Reebok and Adidas have decided to felicitate Kapil Thakur for his dare-devil attempt on Kalmadi, when he almost pulled it off with such courage, and the Opposition have offered him a party ticket in the next elections, along with cash prizes.

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Aashish Aryan

Yep. That's about it.

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