"Being..."

Being Muammar Gaddafi


Not every man manages to have a bodyguard of a dozen femme-fatales around him twenty-four-seven. While it doesn’t guarantee anything, that alone is quite a solid incentive to do the Gaddafi look, to BE Gaddafi.

The keyword here is: Outrageous.

Whether we’re talking costume, or foreign policy, or speeches or pick-up-lines, if it ain’t outrageous, it ain’t Gaddafi.

Step 1: Go create a wardrobe with all base colours from the Teletubbies.

Step 2: Dress for the occasion. The trick is to get the occasion to be about your dress. Go on. Wear the canary-yellow to a funeral. Wear Purple in the United Nations conference. Put on that Bomber jacket to those board meetings. Add a fur cap for good measure. And when all else fails, cross-dressing is always an option.

Step 3: Accessorize. Think medals. Think badges. A rule of thumb while wearing that suit: If you can scratch your belly without something jingling, pin up some more medals up there! Oh, and get a pair of them Ray-Bans.

Step 4: Attitude. This is probably the most difficult part to master, and that’s saying a lot. Attitude. No matter what, the most opulent, the most in-your-face, the most outrageous garment on you must be your confidence-pants.

Step 5: Any kind of intelligent or sober communication is against the grain of the Gaddafi look. You might want to try out killer, shock-and-awe, verbal broadsides. Remember, be outrageous enough and they might just think you have something to say. To wit:

Foreign Policy:
“The Palestinians are idiots and the Israelis are idiots.”

Geography:
“Libyans do not know Denmark, they do not hate Denmark. They know Italy and they hate Italy.”

Politics:
“There is no state with a democracy except Libya on the whole planet.”

Biology:
“Women are different from men in form because they are females. According to gynaecologists, women, unlike men, menstruate each month.”

Human Psychology:
“Placing a child in a day nursery is coercive and tyrannical and a violation of the child’s free and natural disposition.”
Quick Tip: Long speeches are fine as long as they—
—Are rants
—Are outrageous
—Are punctuated with book-throwing, document-ripping, et al.

It’s also a good idea—if you can—to systematically destroy any budding fashonistas by completely painting the country—its flag, emblem, seal, everything—in your favourite colour. Further, if fitting into an intellectual mould is needed, write a book—no more than a little one, mind you—provided it too can get painted in the non-self monochrome you want.

Shock and awe, gentlemen. Time to be outrageous.


About the author

Soumitra Bhoyar

1 Comment

Leave a Reply