Furious with fuel price-hike, man scolds poor PM at press conference

And amidst announcements of the hike in petroleum prices by Rs 5 a litre, NTMN brings to you credible information about the events at Prime Minister Manmohan Singh’s press conference yesterday. The press conference was made eventful by an unknown man, visibly agitated, who broke through the security barrier, joined Mr Singh on the stage, and started ridiculing him face-to-face, complaining of price rise.

“What exactly do you intend to gain by increasing fuel prices? Do you want to wage the non-existing war against Pakistan to expose India’s fifty most wanted men hiding there? Or, do you propose to strengthen the borders and the security of the nation? Or, simply the development of the entire country, the upliftment of the poor, improvement of education system, WHAT? I WANT AN ANSWER!” the man from Delhi, identified as M N Lakhwi, a simple factory worker, is reported to have said.

Manmohan SIngh in a tense mood at the press conference. Off-topic: Yes, he is the Prime Minister of India, as the photo says

The Prime Minister, clearly taken aback by this sudden outburst, was lost for words, and could merely muster an “err…”, before quickly reaching for his cell-phone, furiously texting for instructions on his reply from a certain Mrs Gandhi. It wasn’t until a couple of minutes later that he received the reply, and Mr Singh, now with an air of confidence about him, took up the microphone and spoke calmly. “India shall hunt down every single one of the terrorists, who have dared to attack its sovereign soil. I would like to extend a hand of support towards Pakistan President Zardari, who has been nothing short of cooperative on his part. We will sit together later this month, have some coffee, and discuss on how to keep making statements like these in the press conferences.” Quickly realizing that the last line was for him to read-only from Mrs Gandhi, the PM apologised, “My bad!”

The Prime Minister’s reply flummoxed the entire group of reporters, as one of them shouted over the rising noise in the room, “You answered the wrong question!”

“Hmm, I see. Fuel prices have been hiked keeping in mind the inflation of the global market. Do you have any idea how the price of this suit I’m wearing has gone up? Or, my Adidas sneakers? Or, my Calvin-Klein…”, Singh abruptly paused, gauging the delicacy of the matter, “Let’s just say—our hands are tied, and there simply, is no other solution than to raise the prices.”

M N Lakhwi, standing beside Singh on the stage, was twisting with rage, as he spoke with a menacing growl, “Nonsense, I will tell you what you intend to gain by increasing the price! You are robbing the public of their money so that you and your corrupt buddies ministers can go on private vacations, build multi-storeyed buildings for your pets to relax, or for recreation—like buying an IPL team. And, I suppose everyone of you would like to have some dirty-talk with Bipasha Basu for hours, now that Amar Singh has made it public—well someone has to pay for the phone bill—why not the public itself?!”

At this point, Manmohan Singh apparently realized that this verbal spat would affect his public image at large, so he quickly came up with a justification, “I never really had a thing for Bipasha. Well, it would be a whole different ballgame if it were Katrina Kaif. And as far as private vacations are concerned, I have never been on one alone with my wife, since I always ensure Sonia Madam comes along too.”

By now, the PM was wary of giving explanations, as he had realized that even his personal relations were at stake. He quickly asked his guards to throw the man out of the room and the reporters not to publish or telecast the entire event. He continued, “So where were we?”, before pausing in to check on his cell phone again and after a sly smile stroked in some keys. We can only assume he wrote, “LOL, TC, CYA, XOXOXO!” to a certain someone.

About the author

Kumar Pratik

Exorcist, Demonologist, and Master of the Dark Arts. Just kidding. Part of NTMN since May 2011 and Editor-in-Chief from 2013 to 2014.

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