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Govt to sit on fast unto death, if Anna Hazare doesn’t drop the idea of Lokpal Bill


New Delhi:
The Indian government has declared that it will sit on a fast unto death, in order to force social activist Anna Hazare to stop asking the system to pass the Jan Lokpal Bill. According to the government, they had agreed to Anna Hazare’s conditions last month only because Hazare forced them to agree, and it was not a voluntary decision.

“By taking this fast-till-death step, we want to present a counter-force to the force of Anna, so that he can drop the idea of Jan Lokpal Bill, out of pity towards the government’s habits,” said a UPA spokesperson. “It is important that people realise the hazards of the Lokpal Bill—it will lead to the surfacing of new scams, and nothing else. Finally, a month after unwillingly agreeing to Hazare’s demands, we have decided that we won’t take the way he shows us, and we will sit on a fast for this purpose. The fast will be symbolically led by the Prime Minister—however, he will not stop eating during the period of his fast, as he has no role in the government.”

The Anna

Apparently, ministers from the UPA regime believe that if more scams surface, it will lead to more unhappiness among common citizens, thus making the CBI more preoccupied, and hindering the progress of more important cases of crimes such as murders, kidnappings and others which do not involve politicians.

Much to the government’s warm surprise, there are positive vibes among most citizens over the matter. People all over are supporting this idea, calling it a “sane decision after a very long time”. Kochan Mishra, a daily office-goer said, “I am personally very happy. I hope Annaji doesn’t agree to the demands, and that more and more officials join in the fast. This way, finally we can get rid of some corrupt officials. Anna will not listen to anything, I know! Haha, it can’t get any better! They’ll all die!”

The government has also planned to form an “uncivil society” to fulfill this Herculean task. The members of the society would be directly elected by Prime Minister Sonia Gandhi Manmohan Singh. UPA chairperson Sonia Gandhi suggested Rahul Gandhi (Amul Baby)’s name to head the society. But political commentators have suggested that Rahul would not be apt for the task, as during the fast, he’d be unable to survive even two days without having food at his favourite Dalit slums.

When we contacted Anna regarding this matter, he dismissed the media with a seemingly-‘WTF’ expression. As usual, the opposition hasn’t missed this opportunity to take a dig at the current regime. Newly-turned digital jockey Amar Singh has called this idea stupid. “The only way to stop corruption is to legalize it,” he said in the tone of a visionary, and went back to promote Abhishek Bachchan-starrer Dum Maro Dum.


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Pratul Bagri

Editorial Head.

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