At the Congress meeting held in Varanasi, it was decided that if the young Gandhi did not publicly plead his immaturity, the party would stop defending his weird quotes in the media by calling them acts of “misquoting”. “The Rahul kid will be taught the true meaning of rapes and murders, and also how the ash of a human body looks like, as soon as he recovers from the trauma of being sent to an adult prison instead of a juvenile prison on the night of May 11. We are not complaining though, for sending him to the wrong jail, as we agree the man is deceptive and anyone could have made a mistake,” said Congress media head Janardan Dwivedi.
Scared after the threat from his own party, Rahul Gandhi called a press conference yesterday, where, visibly ashamed of himself, he announced his degradation from a youth icon to a kids’ icon. “I have realised it now the youth is much above me. I admit being an Amul Baby. Mayawati is like my aunty and Sheila Dikshit is like my dadi. My statements should not be taken seriously as I am roughly still the same age as Manmohan Singh,” he told the media. “All the nights I spend at huts in Uttar Pradesh, were part of my school project. I do have the aim to become the Prime Minister of the country, but I should have taken the inspiration of the current PM and stayed home like a good boy when things were heating up in Bhatta Parsaul. I am yet to learn.”
“After I went for a dharna in Bhatta Parsaul, I was scolded by mom for going out alone before sunrise, and she was upset about me getting arrested. She was unable to show it though, to remain in the party’s spirits.” The voters in Amethi are shocked at the announcement, and a village elder has accused Rahul of having “raped” his constituency by projecting himself as a mature politician. “To my constituency, I apologise. No, marriage is still not on the cards,” he confirmed at the end of the press conference.
Kids all over the country are overjoyed at justice being done finally. “The way he dresses in white, is the same way we dress for school. He has been our icon ever since he
became an adult was born,” says class-six student Rahul Baby from Bareilly, wearing a white shirt and white trousers.