#Internet #Politics

Facebook to be banned in India; government launches its own replacement


Yes, you read it right. In what comes as a massive shock to more than 25 million Facebook users in India, the government has decided to ban the social networking website. If reports are to be believed, the historic decision will be implemented by the first week of July.

Minister for Communications and Information Technology, Kapil Sibal explained the decision at a late night press conference yesterday, “This Facebook thing has gone way out of control, much like the ‘Savita Bhabhi’ fiasco two years ago, when we had to ban that site. (Never mind the proxy servers, which still allow some of my colleagues to check it every now and then.) Coming back to Facebook, the reputation of all our esteemed ministers, most notably the Prime Minister and myself, is being torn to shreds with offensive status messages, obscene photoshopped images, and above all, totally fictitious articles on websites like News That Matters Not.

An uncermonious end to a global phenomenon?

“Moreover,” he continued, “unlike other forms of media, we don’t yet have absolute control upon these social networking sites. Such social platforms are the only thing democratic in this country, and we must move in swiftly to fix this anomaly at once.”

When reporters wondered if it did not suppress freedom of speech, Sibal replied with a sly smile and a chuckle, “You have never had that freedom anyway; you have merely been led into believing that you do.”

He also said, “On a personal note, when I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is check out my pictures from the press conferences on the first page of the newspaper. On the other hand, when my children get up, they open Facebook, and check their ‘News Feed’ where more often than not, politicians like myself are made a mockery of. How humiliating is that?”

“Mr Sibal, are you not wary of the public backlash that will most definitely follow this decision?” a female reporter asked.

“You mean sitting on fast unto death? These days, every Tom, Dick and Baba is doing it. As if, it is going to make a difference on our thick-skinned brains. As long as I get my three delicious meals a day, I don’t give a rat’s ass!”

“Sir, you must have some alternate ideas to make up for this sudden removal of a means of communication as vital as Facebook itself?”

“Oh yes, of course. We are going to launch www.upa-book.gov.in. We have already copied the entire Facebook source code line-by-line into our website. The only difference is that we will be able to moderate vulgar comments and pictures about ourselves. As far as the copyright suits are concerned, all Bollywood movies are based on some Hollywood script, yet how many have been sued? None, I guess. Also, in our testing mode, the site has been down ever since we put it up, just like the rest of government sites. But then, who cares, as long as we survive in the office for one more day!” He got up, raised his arms in a triumphant manner and spoke, “Thank you—” (looking around apparently hoping for an applause, shouts disappointed) “—You will thank me for this one day, you insolent fools.”

After the press conference, we decided to check Sibal’s Facebook account. He had just updated his status, “Wow guys, what a kick-ass conference! How many likes?” We firmly believe this decision has something to do with the minister’s not-so-secret love for Orkut, another social networking site that has been extinct from the Indian market for ages now.

P.S.: Check out this link for the actual views Mr. Sibal gave on the topic; this news may not be fictitious in the future after all: http://www.medianama.com/2011/03/223-it-minister-kapil-sibal-on-internet-block-social-media-worries


About the author

Kumar Pratik

Exorcist, Demonologist, and Master of the Dark Arts. Just kidding. Part of NTMN since May 2011 and Editor-in-Chief from 2013 to 2014.

95 Comments

    • NOOOOOOOOOO WE WANT FACEBOOK……………………….
      PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ DON’T DO THAT…………………………….

    • wow!! ministers you guys are meant to be humiliated and made a fucking mockery off !! remember before getting into that freaking seat u made promises! where the fuck are they now?? our prime minister who is just for a name sake only listens to Sonia Gandhi.. why?? and he is now elected as a candidate for 2014 even?? weren’t these years just enough?

    • Darn it! DEJA VU! I will write next article ‘Sibal resigns from his post citing case of severe craziness’. Let’s see if that too happens 😛

  • wtf… y india not yet banned facebook??? but i heard recently that they are banning it before july 2012… i read it in cbe edition news paper

  • To All: This piece was written as satire (fake news), when Mr. Sibbal gave his views on the topic. Little did we know back then that they were actually going to do it. Anyway, even if they pass the bills and stuff (LOKPAL, where are you?), they don’t have the skills to ban it.

  • Yes Facebook should be ban or atleast they should have control through the Images and Videos uploading by Un Social elements those intentions are to create communal feelings.

    Creating Anti Religious images are really blood boiling and taking to the revenge in communal way.

    The Political parties are taking undue advantage of this by creating differences between the religions.

  • Its not right yar.few people misuse facebook and the whole country will have to suffer from that.its not justice.

  • facebook bann nehi ho sakte………..face book k sahare humm humre friends……and relative k sath sammandh rakh sakte hai……facebook is a great website…..jo apno ko milate hai………..

    kuch chiti jaise logo k lea face book bann karna yea galat hai…..sir…

  • If to save our time If Kapil sibal decides to stop social sites , In order to save our money we will stop paying taxes . no section of constitution deals with the right that gov can take our freedom of speech . if so happens We can also stop paying whatever gov makes it mandatory to pay. Its a Democratic country . Its nt under a dictator ship . If such happens We will look frward towards supreme court and even tually taxes will nt be payed .

  • Freedom of expression demolished and the govt cant even take some criticism for themselves, they are not damn gods. . .

  • Yeh puri tarah galat hai
    facebook se jo rista bana hai uska kya
    sarkaar se to phele he biswaas uth gaya hai
    sarkaar se ab kya umid karna
    sarkaar kya jaane riste k baare mei
    Plzzz aisa mat karo haath jod kar binti hai
    bhik maang rhe hai aapse bab mat karo

  • I think Kapil Sibal is right ,Facebook and Every Social Networking sites ,unUselas sites
    nd unwantend sites to blocked early…………

  • Ppls- india sirf facebook use karke tarrake nahi kar sakta aur facebook india ke youth ko lazy bana raha hai many countries such as france china have banned it toh india kyun nahi?

  • Why is it so,Only some are posting silly items and the rest loses all the fun…………………………..I(We) LOVE FACEBOOK And one last sentence:The goverment sites are too boring for all…The url itself repels all from getting into the site…Facebook is unique in all ways…Facebook rocks

  • plz dont do this . may be its waste of time but still it gives lots of hapiiness and fun

  • or ap apni soch k hisab s decision nahi le sakte ho
    india is a democratic country but ap yaha apna decision
    forcefully le rahe ho its not right sir…..

  • oh god! wth is wrong with these people? r they nuts? fb is the main souce of connecting with our friends and relatives who live in far off places… I agree that some jobless people do misuse it but that doesn’t mean u ban it! n v have the right to say anything against politicians n leaders or wateva.. cuz v hate them! 🙂 mr. kapil sibal-u have made the lives of students already a hell by bringing out this new rule of CCE… v r suffering each day cuz of it. plzzzzzzzz don’t make our lives worse by banning fb.. itz a req to u!

    P.S. anyway I can say that u don’t have the guts to ban fb.. hahaha 😀 (loser)

  • Some people hack facebook account and they will post the dirty pictures and videos . then it causes 2 misunderstand about us ……….. i think govt had done good thing…………..

  • plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz dont ban facebook.we alll of us like it so plllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • if someone gets me a gun ,i m really gonna shoot this person{kapil sibal}.he is totally gonna destroy India.first he changed the iit pattern and brought the marks of board exams to IITJEE.SECONDLY THIS………He is a hindrance to INDIA’S SUCCESS.

  • what the hell u r speaking…pls dont BAN it….it helps us connect to my frns..and c their recent pics..either give sum, rules for it but pls dont BAN it…:(…plss….plssss…pplllssss

  • HAY MR. KAPIL SIBBAL…….. HW DARE U TO BANNED FACEBOOK. I THINK U R MAD ,U SHOULD RETIRED .HOW CAN U TAKE DECISION PERTICULARLY. ITS OUR RIGHT TO SPEAK & MAKE COMMUNITY.
    YOU ARE LUCKY , M NOT THERE…. U DID A VERY DANGEROUS OFFENCE . YOU SNATCH OUR RIGHT. YOU ARE NOT OUR MASTER AND WE R NOT UR SERVANTS ..U ORDER ND WE DO.
    CHANGE UR DECISION SOON ….ITS 2.1 MILION PEOPLE DEMAND.
    DO YOU KNOW ONE THING I AND 2.1 MILION PEOPLE WANT TO TOILET ON YOUR FACE..UNDERSTAND

    BASTERD

  • FROM VERY RELIABLE SOURCES:
    SOMEONE HAS CLICK SONIA & KAPPIL SIBBAL SEX PHOTO AND POST THAT PHOTOS TO FACEBOOK . KAPIL SIBBAL ANGRY AND BLOCKED F.B

    FEW DAYS EARLIR KAPIL SIBBAL’S YOUNGER DAUGHTER POST HER OWN NAKED PICS ON FACEBOOK WALL AND SAID TO VOTE CONGRESS.

  • facebook is prostitute try to burn else who is responsibility just resign u r job some other will come and burn

  • I think Kapil Sibal is right ,Facebook and Every Social Networking sites ,and unwantend sites to blocked early ,andit is good decision ,,,,,,,, jai hind—————————-prashanth kondapak, karimnagr

  • Hi,
    Banning FB is not a good idea. They should think over it again. I agree that some people misuse it by posting obscene pictures and using abusive language. The solution is not shutting down, but to make it correct. Find the solution to the problem, rather than just closing the website down. Many people found their friends via FB after so many years of separation. As millions of people are in FB, it is a great tool to spread the awareness messages. You can ban those people who take FB granted. Stop them using FB if they misuse it.

  • Its a very right decision. Facebook should be banned!! It has taken all our personal comfort and space!! Plz bann facebook.. its a bullshit!!

  • intsead of banning fb totally in india, u wud bann thoz crippers who practis such.. bann thoz who du so…. evry1 is nt to b blamed fo jst 1 or 2.. wats our fault? we r nt guilty, we never did that! y shud v then b the victim of the act?? u shud surely luk upon ths!! ths is totally a crap, u cant du that wit the whole community, the 1 who practises such, shud b sued nd blamed nt us! we r nt lyk that!

  • kapil sibbal, 1st : u r nt the 1 to judge wat we do, 2nd : ths is not ur ri8 to snatch the freedom of ppl.. v connect wit our frnds at FB.. go nd catch that 1 who meks fun of u nd ministers.. i neva did that, nd i believ mor than half of d FB ppl r “not” to b blammed! tereko problem h to, ja pehle jakey usko pakad, jisne aisa kiya… hamari galti kya h ismey.. TO BANN FB, IS TOTALLY A f***in’ idea.. avoid the idea.. LMFAO 😛 :p

  • kyu barbad hona chahte ho????????
    apni life enjoy karo n hame b karne do….:)
    miss using should b stopped bt nt facebook……..

  • This government is so illiterate that even if anybody goes to Supreme court against this decision, the ban will be lifted within a day, SUPREME COURT HAS RIGHTLY SAID:-“GOD BLESS THIS COUNTRY AND GOVERNMENT” and may SHAITAN bless this fucking Giant KAPIL SIBAL

  • Yes, Facebook need to be blocked ASAP because they are doing whatever they want. They don’t think about privacy, they are checking even your system and what you are doing in day to day life. My strong opinion to block Facebook as soon as possible.

Leave a Reply