Being an Average Indian Politician

Unemployed?? There are two choices for you if you are an Indian: either get married or join politics. Well, the former option is a bit complicated if you are unemployed, while the latter is quite feasible. With the criteria of having no qualifications at all or lacking an educational background, you are entitled to join any political party and be its esteemed member. Your job is secure as long as you shout the party slogan at the top of your voice. You must be careful in finding the correct and apt places and moments to do it so that you have ample media coverage.

Cartoon Courtesy: Ajit Ninan, Times of India

Get arrested once in a while, to receive your party head’s blessings. The faster you become his right hand, the more the increment in your salary. Stay at home on weekdays and visit the theatres on weekends, or maybe without doing so, go on a rampage against any movie that was released recently. Cite the reason as “offensive” to a random community. Rest assured that the particular community will join you.

Your journey is not over unless you do a scam. Consider it as the final pilgrimage. The journey is all but over. You can’t qualify as a politician unless you enter the other major industry of India, i.e., Bollywood. Target stars, attend star-studded weddings, award ceremonies or may be a page-3 party. Give every change to a shutterbug to click your photograph. And you thought politics was easy! It’s not about bringing “public welfare”, it’s about ensuring “personal welfare” and spending the rest of your life talking about public welfare.

The path of Indian politics is not a bed of roses. If you’re willing to sacrifice the feeling of social welfare then this is the right choice for you. What other job would offer you assurance of money and power simultaneously without doing much? If you want to be big in India, then either change your surname to “Khan”, “Gandhi” or “Bachchan”, or simply become “an average Indian politician”.

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Aditya Shekhar

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