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Not on JEE merit list, student goes on fast to force IITs to take him

(with inputs from Bijender Sheoran) 

Following the footsteps of Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev, Tinku Malhotra of Bangalore has declared that he will go on a fast until he is given a seat in IIT Bombay. The 17-year-old, who did not make it to the merit list of IIT-JEE this year, believes that his merit can’t be judged by some 6-hour exam which is anyway based on the “Kota” system. “Anna Hazare went on a fast for what he believes in and so can I,” says Tinku.

Tinku started his fast Thursday afternoon after having a grand five-course meal with second helpings of each item. “Tinku baba needs energy for his fast,” said Sakkhubai, Tinku’s maid servant who prepared the massive meal for him. In the first few hours, only a handful of relatives were by his side supporting and motivating him. However, as soon as the press and TV news channels came to cover the story, several friends and well-wishers began pouring in, offering their support for Tinku. “I heard that there were TV people covering some boy’s fast, so I came to support him. Who knows, I may be on the front page tomorrow and a movie director calls me up for a movie,” said Neha, who looked as if she had accidentally tripped into a box of makeup.

The government has lost sleep over Tinku's demands, but Kapil Sibal sees it as an opportunity for more changes in our education system.

“IITs should consider the passion and commitment of students before taking them in. My friend is passionate about vodka and has been committed to 15 girls,” said Akash, Tinku’s friend. Tinku’s parents are proud that their child was taking a stand for what he believes in. “I always felt that my son would amount to nothing, but look at him today, he is doing something that the famous people in our country do. Now even he will be famous. I say every child who wants to achieve something in life should go on a fast until he achieves it,” said his father. “Besides, if Baba Ramdev is doing it, it means that a hunger strike must be beneficial to the body and will cleanse the mind, body and soul,” said the mother, an ardent Ramdev follower. There were some relatives who felt Tinku’s fast won’t hold as much mettle as Baba Ramdev’s because he has no armed followers to threaten the government with.

Tinku seems determined to remain on fast until he is given a seat in IIT Bombay, though we did catch him stealing hungry glances at the delicious samosas his maid had made for us. The government expressed concerns over Tinku’s fast and called for an urgent committee meeting headed by HRD minister Kapil Sibal to look into the matter. On being questioned about the matter, Sibal told us, “We agree that IIT-JEE is no judge to a student’s merit. In fact, seeing the current scenario, we believe that JEE should be scrapped and admissions to IITs should be given only on the basis of fasts. Students will be judged on the length and severity of fasts they impose upon themselves, and on how many people come to support them. Extra credit will be awarded if there is an armed uprising.”

As the government loses sleep over Tinku, Digvijay Singh and P Chidambaram have come out openly to announce that it’s all an RSS conspiracy just like every other problem like Mohammad Ghazni’s invasion, the Kashmir dispute, the 1975 emergency, the Bofors scam, the mishandled Commonwealth Games, the 2G scam, and an issue as impo-(r)-tent as the alleged homosexuality of Rahul Gandhi are all an RSS scam.

Tinku’s friend Rinku said that he will also keep a 10-hour fast from 11pm onwards on June 11, to protest against the government’s neglect of Tinku’s demands, like Anna Hazare and his favourite writer Chetan Bhagat have done for Baba Ramdev. He said his fast will add to Tinku’s fast and then their friend Minku would join and all the fasts would be added up, thus in long term, creating a Fibonacci series of fasts. Apparently Rinku has made it to the IITs this time.

It remains to be seen whether this ‘fast’ decision by the Government appeals to the common man. However, late at night, the director of a well-known JEE coaching institute said, “It doesn’t really matter. We are already in the business of starving students for two years in the name of JEE preparation.”

In continuation to this story, you might like to read another related report published by us on June 10: Fasting—the Modern-Day Brahmastra

About the author

Harsh Thakar

Writer. Thinker. Sarcastic. Creative. Moody. Nerd.
Head of SSNO (Super Secret Nameless Organization), Order of Merlin, First Class, Emperor of Waca Waca Island
Aren't self written bios the best way to know people?


      • I think you are making mockery of the fast done by Anna Hazare….If you can’t support him then atleast dont make fun.

        • Hey… !!! come on….. this is not making fun of anyone… but its a piece of good writing that will enlighten today’s people !!! its just a satire !!!
          and it is extremely well written….. touching every aspect !!! totally awesome !!! 🙂

        • infact… its ppl like tinku (not real) that r up here making mockery of the system !!!
          @harsh thakar- we need such writers today !!!

  • if Tinku was so determined so why didnt he give his full strength to clear JEE…and if fasting is getting him into IITs then everyone going Kota and preparing rigorously for 2-3yrs should hav a better and easier option to go on fast…!!!…every1 just making fun of our political and educational system…

  • This boy is a piece of crap…

    I he thinks ..he is so meritorious …he doesn’t need a place like IIT.

    Meritorious ko IIT ki jaroorat nhi apni dreams ko fulfill karne k liye.

      • above ( and many others ),
        all those taking this wonderful satire to heart ( abhishek, mate , no offence , but u are one o thm) do reflect one aspect of indian education system .. they all did work on their grammar, spellings and all,, but forgot a very important part, expression… !! i mean , cmon man ! cant you guys differentiate a certain form of writing from another ?? the fact that you even tuk this article so seriously , explains your wonderful interpretation skills . no wonder we indians are mocked in other parts of the world ! 😛 i am goin on a fast now, so as to make you ppl realise this 😀 ( now please , dunt u come back at me for using sms lingo and pointing out my grammar skills, cz tht wud b hilarious ! )

  • This is all bull-shit.. I agree and appreciate his passion for getting into an IIT, more precisely IIT Bombay, but this is not the correct way dear. IIT is not about passion only, but also about talent and the amount of hard work a student had to do achieve that level. If u actually deserve an IIT u ll surely get into it. I agree JEE is not enough to judge ur caliber to your 100% but that is why there is something called LUCK Buddy.

      • y dont u spend the time preparing for iit rather than sit up on a fast……and that too in summer LMAO
        ur story makes me laugh

  • Wat the hell is wrong?….LOL @ —Father supports child saying–Every child must resort to fast in order to achieve something in life!!1….Screw you!!! myself being an IITian would rather munch day and night, and slog my ass all day to get into IIT. Who the hell on earth can sacrifice food!!!!!

    • hey! it’s a pity that assholes like you get into IITS..YOU can’t even distinguish between FAKE or REAL NEWS! MAN! IT SUCKS TO GET TO KNOW ABOUT THE STANDARDS OF OUR SO CALLED “PRESTIGIOUS INSTITUTE”.

        • harsh…. bro , i offer my sympathies… i can see tht more than half of the junta didnt get your satire ! so well made , yet its glory snatched away by these morons 😛 … the funniest part though , was an IITian , whu just wanted to boast here tht he was one ! even though he didnt realise tht he was making a mincemeat of his college’s reputation by doing so ! 🙂

          • @ baba kamdev! what are you fasting for?? 😛 😀
            @harsh :: great article dude! n really, ppl were actually discussing it seriously! O.o X.x
            how did u get into the website’s team btw?

      • .. read the line– “myself being an IITian would rather munch day and night, and slog my ass all day to get into IIT”– again..
        its like he wanna say that “ifff he wouuuuuld be an IITan..”,
        ..how can u even beleive that an IITan can make such a silly mistake..

    • @Yashashwi: Asshole,hw did u manage to crack jee??
      u dumbass, cudnt even undrstand dat its a fake news jz 4 fun?

  • this thing done by Tinku is all a piece of crap. The support he got by his parents adds to the bullshit fast he is doing. u r not able to clear IIT , its fine , everyone cant do it, but this ‘fast’ thing initiated by u is really cheap

  • If you see all competition they are judged in couple of hours or days. Take an example of sports , you practice whole year and your capabilities are judged on a single day. If there is any drawback in exams pattern then it make sense to fight for it but other than that it is completely nonsense.

  • last line killer hai!

    “It doesn’t really matter. We are already in the business of starving students for two years in the name of JEE preparation.”

  • Why are half the posters here stupid enough to not notice this is a fake news website. Ever heard of the Onion? For all it’s worth, it’s called ‘News That Matters Not’. Excellent satire, though.

      • I am Fucking ready…..anytime….to direct…..Though i dont have any experience of direction……but for such a great and needed work….i am ready to do anything….hahahha….:P 😛 :P…lolzzzz…….AWESOME WORK HARSH…..hatss off…!!!!

  • All malhotra’s out there are hurt… Can you actually remove the name malhotra from there? Or else I would assume it’s an RSS conspiracy against malhotra’s and will go on an indefinite fast.

  • Hey! Tinku I’m here in bangalore and would support you silly….

    I would a song for you…

    pal pal na maane tinku jiya … he tinku jiya

    passion ka engine garam hai piya …..

    pal pal na maane tinku jiya … he tinku jiya

    but mind ka engine “NARAM(dheela)” hai piya 😛

  • “My friend is passionate about vodka and has been committed to 15 girls…”

    u just got urself a role model Tinku!!!!

    follow his steps…..its gud u stopped eating…now u have more space in ur tummy…fill it by ‘drinking’!!!!


  • too gud. here are the lines i found most funny 🙂
    1. Fibonacci series of fasts 🙂
    2. admissions to IITs should be given only on the basis of fasts
    3. just like every other problem like Mohammad Ghazni’s invasion, the Kashmir dispute, the 1975 emergency, the Bofors scam, the mishandled Commonwealth Games, the 2G scam, and an issue as impo-(r)-tent as the alleged homosexuality of Rahul Gandhi are all an RSS scam

  • This is plain awesome man !!

    Only those people who have gone thru the grilling drill of writing JEE can understand this satire.

    Others who think its true are no better than Rinku himself 😛

  • well… tinku i think u should stop fighting for jee and start giving coaching for helping guys in getting gals… 15 ..!!! omg…!!
    might be u will end up in having a huge coaching institute in kota too…!!

  • Hard to believe there are people here who are taking this news seriously and posting serious comments..

    Awesome piece os satire and humor..
    last line gadar hai ” We are already in the business of starving students for two years in the name of JEE preparation”

  • Freaking awesome writing man !!! “Admission based on duration of fast” and “Fibonacci series ” was hilarious 😀

  • and i think i will fast till am given a life long supply of glenfiddich 18 years. some girls along with it would be nice too 🙂

  • Hahaha..brilliant one..real quality satire..and what adds to the fun are the comments and that some people actually believe that its true 😛 btw, my friend who published it on his fb wall thought its true..haha..dont worry its not your writing at fault 😉

  • what an asshole….
    and listen to his dad “I say every child who wants to achieve something in life should go on a fast until he achieves it”.

  • awesome imagination..lol..
    “The gov needs to take a ‘fast’ action….” rofl 😀
    and all those taking it seriously..chill people..its j4f..no offence meant!

  • mahn!!!
    this tinku sounds more like a cynic case
    fasting for a useless cause and his family compares him with public personalities
    and great his supporters support him so that they could be famous and make it to bollywood
    if life started to be that easy then we wouldn’t have had to worry about anything…everything would be butter smooth
    fibonacci series…lol
    fasting seems has become a trend

  • Nice post.

    It also helped me observe a fact that people don’t read the previous comments before posting a new one.

    I would also like to know how many of those came back to find out that its was a fiction from your replies ?

  • tinku.. dis is madness..
    work on ur merits rather dan FORCING dem to take u into IITs..
    there r over 4 lac students trying to get into IIT.. nd dey surely r more passionate dan u..
    stop dis nonsense nd if u r so committed.. prepare for JEE once again..

  • haha….
    the article was killer but the comments are even more interesting…. 😛

    nice work keep going……kuch serious bhi likho yaar…..

    its a nice perspective to the issue but what options does any individual really has? Anna & Co(Kejriwal) tried out all constitutional ways this was there last resort……

  • Why u guys r making fun of me….if u wants to do something come and support me in my fast….i m sitting on d top of fufushima nuclear plant,,,atal bihari just came to support me and commented ,”YE JO IIT KAR RAHI HEI YE KOI ACHI BAAT NAHI HEI”,,,and BARACK OBAMA just landed with his AIR FORCE ONE….& i will surely make into d iit-b and for that i will fast for years,by taking only 10 vodkas,5 pizzas(with grated cheese),10 chicken magrill only…per day

  • haha !!! nice article…
    Just saw on my FB by an IITian friend…I was laughing all the way while reading the article but the part where I lost my control was the serious comments by the ‘common people’ (including the proud IITian !) ..srsly the comments made the article complete 😀 …gr8 work and will follow ur next articles … but I also liked the part where Neha fallev over a box of makeup …LOL cant b better than this one =D

    • i second the view. but i believe it is purely fictional. but, considering the fact that Mr.Gandhi haven’t had a girlfriend for quite a long time…..and is completely quiet on the issue of his marriage, that day is not far enough when many more people will have these doubts!! maybe not homosexual…but news of bisexuality is possible!!

  • awesome piece of writing!! NICE!! refreshing to see someone have the balls to write on a topic which could have invited unwanted social wrath!! Anyways a fabulously satirical article!

  • There are two lanes to IIT” Kota Lane ” and the “Fast Lane”

    In kota lane you struggle for 2-3 yrs and “fast lane” you struggle for 2-3 weeks or months!

    Also slowly we will witness competition in the fast lane as well.

  • u are a coward just becoz u can’t study for 1 more year u r doing all shit
    govt. have many problem to deal dont increase their problem

  • oh gaawwdd!!
    how can some people be such dumb that they cant understand that this is a fake news??
    Awesome the story piece is!!

  • Funny piece of work dude………..still ur objective is crystal clear…n yea all the best for your IIt JEE , i guess u hav a 2nd attempt still left lol.. :P.. what say ??

  • @critics- chill guys…this is for fun but this news also covers some basic problems of our society.

    @Harsh Thakkar- mast be..

  • After reading the story and the comments….. one thing came into my mind….. Why is it So Hard for the people to understand that its a satire…. ???

  • i am iitian.i work hard to get iit. now why you make joke the iit system.my teachers are like me brilliant. i scores 34 rank in jee genral.tinku is dumb fool.

  • Love it!!! You know please do an article, a satire on satire. Its unbelievable that people can totally believe evry word and get worked up about it, hilarious some of the feedbacks were. Made me laugh almost as much as the article itself!!

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