#Politics (UPA Days) Staff Picks - Archived

UPA to catch people having dreams of revolution, plans to lathicharge them in their sleep itself


After the midnight lathicharge done on peacefully sleeping supporters of Swami Ramdev, the silly government of our nation has realised its mistake. Our brave old rulers have got even more panicked about their future. Sans sanity, the government, not content with the midnight action, called a special emergency meeting with the national security adviser and top scientists and asked them to build a machine that can record all the revolutionary dreams of Indian citizens. This will help the government keep a control on all revolutions, fasts, and agitations even before they begin. The task has been put on a priority list by the government. The so-called Prime Minister headed the meeting. This was after the police used brute force and teargas to end the day-long fast by Ramdev against black money stashed in foreign banks and the prevailing corruption in the country.

The UPA=General Dyer, Ramlila Maidan=Jallianwala Bagh.

In a press brief after the meeting, held at 3am, UPA spokesperson Abhishek Manu Singhvi asserted that all such protests start with someone dreaming of uprooting the government and trying to stabilize destabilize the country. “And then, it takes the form of a cannon ball with all you people and media supporting that one man! It’s very necessary to nip them in the budding stage itself, so that they never gather momentum.” On being asked how this would work, he was initially hesitant to reveal all secrets, but then let the lathi out of the bag— “Scientists have been directed to build a machine which can keep a track of all the revolutionary dream waves that flow from different parts of  the country with the help of a dedicated satellite. This data would alert the nearest police station and such people will be lathicharged immediately, while they are still in their dreams.

He was visibly miffed with the ongoing trend in the country where some people decide to sit on indefinite hunger strikes to demand something reasonable unreasonable. “It’s like 2-year-old kids refusing to eat just because they want what they think is right for them. The government can not obviously fulfill everybody’s demands. All these tantrums are not going to affect the government.”

“Do you even know how much hard work  it takes to earn black money and be corrupt? It’s not easy to have only trained scamsters in the government. Where do you get such ministers who show the world that we are not a poor country? And then, someone has a silly dream of rooting out corruption from the country. Oh! Please get a life!”

About why the dreaming people were the new target, he linked the importance of dreams to real events. “Gandhiji dreamt of a free India and he achieved it. Napoleon, Hitler and General Dyer dreamt of being tyrants and they achieved it. So better be safe than sorry. Kill them while they’re dreaming!he said.

He also hinted that the government would bring a bill against dreaming people and would try to make such acts punishable under the Prevention of Internal Peace Disturbance act in the Monsoon session.


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Aashish Aryan

Yep. That's about it.

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