Union Health Minister Ghulam Nabi Azad endorsed this move, “The disease of MSM is unnatural and not good for the Indian society. It’s a challenge to identify such people. However we feel that IITs are most susceptible to this disease because of their terrible boys-to-girls ratio. We have also requested the management to give out free CDs of Shilpa Shetty’s yoga to the boys to keep them fit, while preventing the occurrence of MSM. This can work as a government-approved technique for the prevention—prevention is much better when we have no cure— and meanwhile, students
will be allowed to apply other conventional techniques like pornography CDs to survive college life without any health defects.” are expected
A concerned parent in Indore, said in full agreement with Ghulam Nabi Azad’s statement, “We are glad that the ministry is taking such wonderful preventive measures against such malicious diseases. We would like to extend our full support to the government and hope that after MSM, they take care of more dangerous diseases such as wrinkles, white hair, Beiberism, Twilightism and K-serials which are of more concern to the country than AIDS, Cancer and the like which only kill millions of firangi people every year.”
There will not be any entrance examination for girls aspiring to join the IITs through this quota. They will have to mark their attendance in the Slutwalk Arthaat Besharmi Morcha later this month in New Delhi. A huge number of desperate invigilators and pervert examiners are expected to be present at the Slutwalk, and selections will be made there. Girls who are not sure about how hot they are will have to choose between the Slutwalk and the JEE. The ones who choose the JEE forfeit their reservation automatically. However those girls with names Munni, Sheila, Shaalu and Jalebibai will be given 15 extra marks in JEE.
In a quick response to this move, prominent Kota (quota?) based IIT coaching classes Sri Champak Kumar’s have enlisted the help of Indian Fashion Icon Poonam Pandey in training the girls for this mega event. Managing Director of the institute Mr. Champak said, “Ms. Pandey has always been a beacon of light in dark times. Due to her grand promise and motivation, our cricket team has secured the world cup. Now she will use her skills and raise the whol(r)e result of the institute.”
Filmmaker Karan Johar has condemned this move on Twitter, saying that MSM is not a disease, and education in premier institutes of the country should not be diluted in this way. However, discrete sources with such complicated names that we’d rather have them unnamed have given us the information that prominent Bollywood actor (?) Ritesh Deshmukh will be playing a gay IITian in Dostana 2.
Manmohan Singh when asked for a comment gave us the full benefit of his silent stare before mumbling something about you-know-who, and going off. He turned back once and told us that he felt MSM is an abbreviation for “Manmohan Singh with his Madam”, and contrary to what the Opposition and the rest of the world believes, Manmohan Singh with his Madam is not a disease.
Several IIT students have expressed happiness at the reservations. Final year students have, however, slammed the government for being few years late in realising the necessity.