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IITs to have reservation for girls to prevent the disease of homosexuality



In an unprecedented move today, the Indian Institutes of Technology (IITs) have declared a 30% reservation for “hot” girls for all courses. The inspiration for this move has been accredited to the healthy views given by Union Health Minister Ghulam Nabi Azad, who recently warned the nation of a foreign “disease” called homosexuality. About this new move, a spokesperson for the HRD Ministry says, “IITs have been largely an institution dominated by boys. Even those girls who manage to get in are generally passed off as boys. Moreover we cram about three boys in one room. So, to avoid the dangerous disease of Men having Sex with Men (MSM), we are planning to add this quota so as to get hot-looking girls into IITs as a preventive measure.”

Gays are diseased and foreign, believes Ghulam Nabi Azad.

Union Health Minister Ghulam Nabi Azad endorsed this move, “The disease of MSM is unnatural and not good for the Indian society. It’s a challenge to identify such people. However we feel that IITs are most susceptible to this disease because of their terrible boys-to-girls ratio. We have also requested the management to give out free CDs of Shilpa Shetty’s yoga to the boys to keep them fit, while preventing the occurrence of MSM. This can work as a government-approved technique for the prevention—prevention is much better when we have no cure— and meanwhile, students are expected will be allowed to apply other conventional techniques like pornography CDs to survive college life without any health defects.”

A concerned parent in Indore, said in full agreement with Ghulam Nabi Azad’s statement, “We are glad that the ministry is taking such wonderful preventive measures against such malicious diseases. We would like to extend our full support to the government and hope that after MSM, they take care of more dangerous diseases such as wrinkles, white hair, Beiberism, Twilightism and K-serials which are of more concern to the country than AIDS, Cancer and the like which only kill millions of firangi people every year.”

There will not be any entrance examination for girls aspiring to join the IITs through this quota. They will have to mark their attendance in the Slutwalk Arthaat Besharmi Morcha later this month in New Delhi. A huge number of desperate invigilators and pervert examiners are expected to be present at the Slutwalk, and selections will be made there. Girls who are not sure about how hot they are will have to choose between the Slutwalk and the JEE. The ones who choose the JEE forfeit their reservation automatically. However those girls with names Munni, Sheila, Shaalu and Jalebibai will be given 15 extra marks in JEE.

In a quick response to this move, prominent Kota (quota?) based IIT coaching classes Sri Champak Kumar’s have enlisted the help of Indian Fashion Icon Poonam Pandey in training the girls for this mega event.  Managing Director of the institute Mr. Champak said, “Ms. Pandey has always been a beacon of light in dark times. Due to her grand promise and motivation, our cricket team has secured the world cup. Now she will use her skills and raise the whol(r)e result of the institute.”

Filmmaker Karan Johar has condemned this move on Twitter, saying that MSM is not a disease, and education in premier institutes of the country should not be diluted in this way. However, discrete sources with such complicated names that we’d rather have them unnamed have given us the information that prominent Bollywood actor (?) Ritesh Deshmukh will be playing a gay IITian in Dostana 2.

Manmohan Singh when asked for a comment gave us the full benefit of his silent stare before mumbling something about you-know-who, and going off. He turned back once and told us that he felt MSM is an abbreviation for “Manmohan Singh with his Madam”, and contrary to what the Opposition and the rest of the world believes, Manmohan Singh with his Madam is not a disease.

Several IIT students have expressed happiness at the reservations. Final year students have, however, slammed the government for being few years late in realising the necessity.


About the author

Harsh Thakar

Writer. Thinker. Sarcastic. Creative. Moody. Nerd.
Head of SSNO (Super Secret Nameless Organization), Order of Merlin, First Class, Emperor of Waca Waca Island
Aren't self written bios the best way to know people?

32 Comments

  • r they ppl gona mad….dint dey ppl remember fr mean IIts r established…y dey r dng der politics in such a big n world class institute……students join IITs to become d best in d world …dey dnt come here to hv sex vd men n women…n if they think it z right to giving admsn on d basis f HOTTNESS f a grl in iits dn …..means dey want clg students to hv sex vd girls before their marrige…n instead f study they wanna us to make busy in sexxxx……bludy bstrd kapil sibbal n MHRD….fuck u kutteee…..khud se kuch ni hua to is country ko to barbaad na kr, kamine…

    • These ppl r really mad.. IITs r such a wonderful place nd the ones 2 offer the best engineers not only in India but on d global map.. they create excellent personalities.. But i think now the ministers r keen on degrading their values.. i haven’t heard of any case of MSM in the IITs till now.. and i don’t think it will ever happen.. moreover if “HOT” girls r introduced MSW(men *** women) will definitely increase many folds.. IITs r a home to Indian Values and culture.. And why r we afraid of a disease in the western countries.. Sab ke Sab India ko barbaad krne me lage hue hain.. They want 2 mix up study nd Sex.. Really Yaar.. Kam se kam IITs ko toh chhod do.. all o them r bastards..

  • The Manmohan Singh and Poonam Pandey paragraphs are simply the best… Almost fell of my chair laughing… Keep it up!

  • mere hall-9 ka president ne kasam khai h hai agar hum galaxy me chaap denge to voh hall ke quad mein randiyan nachaega.Isn’t it a great precaution to curb homo……….. ?

  • This is so disgusting… This can only happen in a uncultured society and this is what these mentally retarded politicians are portraying for India. Homosexuality is not a disease, if we can not accept something in our daily life, it doesn’t mean that is a ‘disease’, that is only the problem of our closed minded society. Homosexuality doesn’t result from lack of ‘hot’ girls around, some are born like that. Secondly, this so called ‘disease’ is not only for boys, for girls too. So, whats d remedy for girls?

  • Dear Writer (Harsh Thakar)

    I have been following your website and praising it for your sarcasm, but you in any manner can not target any particular community or group of people and generalize your jokes upon them. This practice of making jokes on homosexuals and calling the orientation a “disease” again and again should not be encouraged, especially in any public writing. I can understand your intentions might not be wrong but while writing for public, please be a responsible writer.

      • @Dear Harsh

        Thanks for the enlightenment, would have been great if you could have mentioned the reference earlier. Yes, I am aware and quite recreated of your writing Satire earlier too but such point arises when you condemn someone/something via sarcasm/jokes on the ground of issues like “homosexuality” without quoting the sources/inspiration.

        Also, thanks for clearing the misconceptions.

    • Dear Rina, we strongly condemn the labelling of homosexuality as a \”disease\” and \”unnatural\”. This article is meant for a purpose far different from encouraging the unnecessary stereotype.
      – The Editor

      • Dear Editor

        Happy to see your condemnation and I appreciate the way your team is dealing with it. Just in concern of Public Interest and to avoid any misconceptions in future, please encourage your team to quote the happened facts and their source of inspiration for such writings, especially for issues dealing with communal sentiments. I strongly feel it would democratize the free flow of freedom of speech between the writers and readers. Please take it as a healthy suggestion.

        Cheers

        • We always link to the actual news in the article itself. Since the purpose of news parody would go in vain if we mention it legibly, we link to the news through one of the words in the article. Please find the word \”healthy views\” in the first paragraph linked to the actual news piece. We have always tried to take care of sentiments of readers, and you shall find a link to the actual news piece in every article based on one.

          • This method has worked perfectly till now, as we have many readers who say they got to know of the actual news event after using the link provided in our articles.

  • madarchodo ko maro patakke agar ladkiya aa gayi to ladke padna chod denge aur vaha pe ladke homosexuality jaise koi chij nahi karte faltu me ladkio ko ghusa ke india ke kabil engineers ko barbad kar rahe hai vaise SC ST kota ke karan kai acche bacche IIT se hath dho baithte hai pure ministers corrupt hai

  • Dude, i have no words about what you have written, it is an awesome read, i have recommended it to my friends.

    MSM is IITs LOL XD

    If govt. reserves 30% for Hot Girls in IITs, i will study 30 hours a day to get into them. LOL

  • Hahaha! This one is hilarious man. If this news was real, boys would have been encouraged more and more to study for IITs resulting in more competition! and i guess u should put up a banner above all ur articles saying that its just a ‘satire’! its even funnier to read how people react on this. 😀

  • simply awesome buddy, enjoyed reading this article,especially manmohan singh and poonam pandey one, awesome dude, here at IIT the same frustration is there,if this becomes true,it would surely help to reduce the suicide rates,, nice spoof, 😛

  • hey harsh, don’t you think that you have been a little HARSH on the queer community though writing being a frivolous satire.

  • Although u have thought a great idea Mr Minister but i mst tell u that if give 30% reservation to hot girls then within a year or two IITs will face the problem America is facing today, that their will be more male to Female Sex.
    but ya you are actually encouraging it by saying Homosexuality a disease and saying that, “please boys do not se with other boys i m reserving girls for you all”.
    what a thought….!

  • Instead of allowing pornographic cds or making a quota for so called hot glz, why dont these idiots send a hot girl to each n every room of iitians every week!!

    At least many deserving studnts would get a chance to make their lyf if such a nonsense quota is abolished. morever, d sc st quota has been a headache for students all around d country..

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