Lokpal Bill Issue to be solved through a Test match between government and Team Anna

Unable to bear the objections raised by the Opposition as well as the public, the Congress in concurrence with the BCCI has decided to solve the issue of the Lokpal Bill by holding a Test Match with the winner deciding the implementation of the Lokpal Bill. BCCI and the Congress met at an undisclosed location and decided that the match would be held between Team Anna and the Government. BCCI president Mr. Shashank Manohar comments, “We thought that a T20 match would suffice as it can determine the result quickly. But since Anna has refused to stop fasting, we thought we could entertain him for 4 days by holding a Test Match.” Adding to the President’s comment, Secretary N Srinivasan adds, “We all know that Anna’s fast has no meaning in this country and won’t bring any outcome. Since cricket is the religion of the country, we thought we should settle this issue by staging a match while Anna aimlessly fasts anywhere off the boundary line.”

Selections have already begun with several leaders taking an off from the Parliament which is eternally adjourned. Unconfirmed reports also reveal that many of the leaders have failed to prove physical fitness but have still been placed on the line-up. Sonia Gandhi was also spotted at the selections with a medical certificate issued by a local doctor, declaring her “completely fit” despite her surgery. Although team paramedics did advise the selectors to not place her on the squad, she was insistent that she should play instead of Dr. Manmohan Singh who also supported the claim by saying that she should be the captain of the team. Rahul Gandhi, another important team member, exclaimed, “We were contacted by some of the Indian cricketers who wanted be a part of our Test team. But we fear that they might demoralise the other team members with their performance after their recent series against England.”

Anna Hazare declined a spot in the selection panel of Team Anna and rested complete faith in Kiran Bedi who is staging cricket camps across the nation. Kiran Bedi vouched, “We are confident of having a 15 member squad that will help us win the match and hence meet our demands of implementing the Lokpal Bill.” Several youth have volunteered and decided to play cricket for a right cause and keep the dreams of Anna Hazare alive.

Ashutosh Gowariker, a notable figure in the B-Town, supports the initiative and says, “I am glad that they have all watched my movie Lagaan and decided to use similar methods to solve this issue. I can’t express how happy I am after hearing about this decision of the government,” he said as he began weeping. However, Shashank Manohar strongly denied that Lagaan was the source of inspiration, and it was solely an idea which he had incubated. Although Manohar refused to have watched the movie at all, inspections at his house uncovered a huge collection of pirated DVDs which included a copy of Lagaan as well.

Mr. Manohar has confirmed that the match would begin on October 2 on the occasion of Gandhi Jayanti. The venue for the game has not yet been confirmed as Anna Hazare would have to pick a convenient stadium of his choice for fasting and the game would be staged accordingly.

Interested spectators can purchase tickets online through the created portal which is expected to be ready by Oct 1.
(Cartoon courtesy)

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Swaroop Sriram

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