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Cabinet ministers declared below poverty line, benefit schemes rolled out for upliftment

In a quick reaction to their status of the pathetic assets and dying riches, the President of India announced today various schemes for the cabinet ministers of the present central government. Pratibha Patil has taken a serious view of the matter and said, “It pains to see such poverty-ridden condition of our ministers. They have been serving the common man for the past so many years with such responsibility, passion and grit. And what do they have? A bicycleNot even a car?”

According to the new benefit schemes, cabinet ministers have been declared “Below Poverty Line” (BPL). They will be provided free ration cards and all will be entitled to various accompanying perks. They will get rice, wheat and other food grains at subsidized rates of Rs. 2–5 per kilo upto a maximum of 100 kg, 15 kg of onions, 15 kg potatoes and 5 kg sugar free twice a month. They will be given a brand new house each, built under “Sonia Awaas Yojna”, an auto-rickshaw each, to travel to the Parliament under the “Garibi Bhagao Yojna”. About why a limit was placed on the quantity of essential items, the President said, “Keeping in mind the sacrificial spirit the ministers have in abundance, we feared they might sell these food grains instead of consuming them.”

Upliftment schemes include newly-constituted taxes to be paid by common citizens.

Under the new schemes, special plans have been listed for some of the ministers who are very poor. The Agriculture Minister Mr. Sharad Pawar has been given out two houses and two auto-rickshaws as a token of his hard work which he has done over these years. The President has been quoted as saying, “12 crores? Is that even anything for a minister of the ranks of Mr. Pawar? If anyone, it’s he who is in need of monetary help.” A brand new Tata Nano shall be given to the Prime Minister, since he owns that old model Maruti 800. Defence minister Mr. A.K. Antony, M. Veerappa Moily, former Law Minister and present Corporate Affairs Minister and a few others who are the poorest of the poor have been placed under the Malnourished Ministers Scheme, which will ensure that the bank accounts and other assets of these ministers swell considerably before the next elections.

The President also announced that new taxes would be levied on the common man if he is above poverty line. Mr. Kamal Nath, Urban Development Minister, has been appointed the in-charge of the committee which shall over look  the execution of the new rules. All citizens who have a bank balance more than Rs. 15,000, will have to pay a new Cabinet Ministry Enhancement Tax. Those having any car or vehicle which comes at a price higher than Maruti 800 will have to contribute at least 10 litres of petrol every 15 days to ensure that the PM gets to his office without fail everyday, in view of the high petrol prices.

Other ministers who have bank balance in just lakhs, and not crores, will be given special care and might be trained under the PMRY (Pradhan Mantri Rojgar Yojna) to come up higher in life.

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Aashish Aryan

Yep. That's about it.

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