Ripped Apart Staff Picks

Newspaper Advertisements Ripped Apart

Newspapers nowadays have turned highly educational. While some youngsters may learn various things about sex, bombshells and babes, (refer this NTMN article) some learn the art of lies. I, have always wondered at the advertisements and advertising strategy newspapers use to earn revenue. A newspaper nowadays uses readership statistics only for advertisement, again. Their main income is collected well before the issue is distributed, well before it is printed even, through advertisements.

I so love reading the newspaper these days. I wonder why it is unpopular among the youth.

My typical daily routine begins with a mug of hot coffee, a comfortable couch and the distinct sound of undoing the rubber band from around the newspaper. The Times Of Hindustan, my daily read, has the recognizable 80-odd font size header, with two or more of its alphabets covered by the images of people in the news that day. The left is covered by some measly politician, while the right is usually flanked by a victorious/disgraced sportsperson. Irony already?

The very first thing I notice, is the oddly-sized half-sheet of advertisement, covering the main headline. Often, this space—dedicated to a fruit juice brand—displays fresh slices of apples, melons, oranges and mangoes placed in an absurd sequence that would make Fibonacci turn in his grave; or a Swiss watch with a dazzling aura capable of instilling envy in Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s grandeur-filled movies. Further, this half-front page makes holding the newspaper a very dexterous task, thereby testing my agility in the morning.

As we flip the half-page, the next image that catches the eye is that of a young couple, half-naked, cosying up on a beach. And the tagline reads “Just Jockeying”. You must be just joking!

Page two is no less than the rest and displays pretty proficient marketing skills itself. China dominates this page with cheap electronic products having a huge resemblance with its authentic counterparts. The prices are so unbelievably low, that a common man might easily be duped into buying them. But there, in fine print, are the oh-so-many flaws in the device pointed out.

Turn the page and what follows is another successful business strategy. “Alpha College of Engineering packs it all,” “Beta Institute of Technology (approved by AICTE)” and “Yet Another Institute of Technology (100.00% placement record in the past decade. Estd: 2005)” and “Gamma School of Management (Dare to wink beyond the IIMs)” stare up at you. It has now become a thumb-rule that an institution’s advertisement should exhibit a couple of (good-looking, I must say) girls, holding a book in their hands and beaming at the reader. I wish I had enrolled in such an institute!

What makes me literally crush the paper sometimes, is the rank boasting of a minister’s achievements of what they have done for the state. There they stand, admiring themselves in expensive kurtas and suits with the party emblem flashing alongside. In the forefront is Sasuri Mayawati (I always use this designation for her respected highness). At times, I desperately wish the blue elephant standing next to her could run and create a stampede in her honour. All that black money printing colourful advertisements, they should run a newspaper of their own for publicity.

As I drink up the last few sips of my coffee, I look at the silent ads, in the sports column. And there they ask me if ‘I have made it large’. This reminds me of the party tonight. I am surely gonna go drink your brand’s beer and shout out aloud ‘I have made it large’. I love to read newspapers nowadays. Aren’t they the most educational material you have ever seen?

“I so love reading the newspaper these days. I wonder why it is unpopular among the youth.”

About the author

Ankit Rana

An engineering student. I love playing with visulas. Prankster.
Poetry keeps me engrossed at the very 'Vella-hour'. A bit religious.
Mamma's boy.

About the author


Student. Explorer. Writer. Guitarist. Head-Banger. Psycho. Yet, imperfect.

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