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Scared of RTI, BCCI shifts base to South Africa to continue spoiling cricket peacefully


As the action shifts to South Africa, cricket grounds in India will earn their revenue by implementing the business model being followed by hockey grounds in India for years: renting to marriages and social functions.

In what can be termed as a major relief for cricket lovers in India, the Board of Corruption of Cricket in India (BCCI) is all set to permanently shift to South Africa and continue its operations from there. Well-placed sources informed us that the step was taken to ensure that the continuous high-handedness of cricket mismanagement by the BCCI was not affected by the Sports Minister Ajay Maken’s initiative to bring the cricket body under the RTI.

Since cheergirls are more athletic than exhausted Indian cricketers, their presence is a necessity.

In a vision statement entitled “Migration to SA”, the BCCI plans to stage the Ranji Trophy and Duleep Trophy in SA. The Board President Shashank Manohar said he was of the view that since the cheerleaders would have the freedom to perform in their “natural attire”—natural clothing, or little clothing, whichever less—it would certainly boost the attention span, and provide motivation, which is needed (watch this video) to the young cricketers of India. Players are understandably ecstatic and all pepped up to give their best and see if they can get any phoren girlfriends. Manohar also observed that it was very necessary to accustom the state level and junior players to the fast pace of other bowlers. And since the BCCI cannot provide this facility back home as they are the richest board on the planet, they will shift to South Africa.

Manohar also went on and on to brag about the excellent physiotherapists available in South Africa. And with the long list of Indian cricketers injured, few would disagree that it is indeed a praiseworthy step. The news has spread like wild fire and brought much delight to India’s slow fast bowlers Zaheer Khan and Ashish Nehra, who have already booked premium residences right next to sports injury speciality hospitals in Johannesburg, South Africa.

As the action shifts to South Africa, cricket grounds in India will earn their revenue by implementing the business model being followed by hockey grounds in India for years: renting to marriages and social functions.

Of the former players, only Navjot Singh Sidhu could be reached for a comment. All of the rest, this reporter was surprised to find, are on a contract with the BCCI, and can’t talk. Sidhu meanwhile was found “repeatedly” on various news channels offering his wisdom, “SA or no SA, India will win the World Cup because…”. After this, the BCCI was prompt in issuing a diktat effectively sealing all mouths shut.

Lalit Modi, the one-time Charlie Sheen of BCCI, tweeted, “BCCI comes to SA. #Hellyeah, I can throw IPL parties once more #Irock #epicwin.” However, repeated attempts to get in touch with Sharad Pawar’s office for his comments on this issue were unsuccessful. All queries sent to Pawar, who also happens to be Minister of Food, Agriculture and Consumer Affairs, were met with the same response: “Food prices will come down shortly on their own. The Government cannot bring the prices down. We have no magic wand to control things and prices. Kindly be patient.”


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Tarun Joshi

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