After Sibal’s Tablet, Health Ministry to issue free contraceptive tablets to teenage students

• Tweet

The government plans to become a hero for the nation, by diverting our attention from major issues. After Kapil Sibal launched an Android Tablet today, it is the Health Ministry’s turn to announce contraceptive tablets for the youth. Sibal feels the Education Ministry’s tablet can be distributed to IITians, and the Health Ministry can cater to the fashion institutes and arts colleges, with the government meanwhile making huge sums of money until a scam is uncovered decades later.

In a usual bid to divert the country from real issues that matter, the government has once again gone a step ahead, acting messiah for us. Shortly after HRD Minister Kapil Sibal launched Aakash—the world’s most inexpensive tablet, also dubbed the world’s “cheapest” tablet—now the Health Ministry has dropped hints that it will soon launch free contraceptive tablets for teenage students. The tablets will be meant to make possible another scam disguised as a blessing, that could earn the government a lot, while preventing teenage pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.

“Our high-school kids need more than an Android Tablet on which even websites can not be accessed—Mr. Sibal himself told me that the Tablet web browser supports only government websites which were last updated before January 1, 2000,” said a Health Ministry spokesperson. “We have statistics to prove that modern urban students are beginning to feel the need of contraceptives more than tablets—they already have better gadgets.”

Reportedly, Kapil Sibal has agreed to the plan. He was quoted as saying, “IITians will get my Aakash Tablets, and students of JNU, arts colleges and fashion institutes will get the Health Ministry’s contraceptive tablets.”

A market analyst compares the two gimmicks by the government and finds out which is better: “A poor person has just Rs 32 a day to live on (in urban areas); obviously he is not going to buy Sibal’s tablet. Even if they give it for free, who will pay for the internet? Even a proper protective covering for the Tablet would cost more than Rs 32. So, what I assume, is that Kapil’s tablet can be afforded only by rich people—ones who spend something like Rs 35 a day. Ghulam Nabi Azad’s tablet, meanwhile, would have no maintenance costs. So I would prefer the contraceptives. The contraceptive tablets would actually become a necessity if the Tablet accidentally comes pre-loaded with porn videos (link), for which Kapil Sibal paid millions of dollars from the public exchequer’s money.”

By Tanay Sukumar