Offbeat Updates

Why News That Matters Not Actually Matters

On NTMN’s second birthday, I would like to dedicate this piece to the entire team working behind the scenes, for all the right reasons and intentions, in the most innovative, most unorthodox way. Let me assure you that the effort put in behind every single article here on NTMN is extraordinary to say the least, and that we strive for nothing but the highest standards!

Here, I shall elaborate on some finer points why NTMN actually matters:

Logo by Rajat Goel

We don’t pretend to be telling the truth:

Unlike the so-called leading newspapers and print media of the country, we don’t pretend to be reporting the truth. We openly admit that our articles are fictitious; we don’t make up stories and present them as real news so as to gather more readers.

We are not bound by the laws of the Government:
We report anything and everything directly to you. We are answerable to you, not the Government, not the Censorship Board, not some goddamn Ministry!  This is what Freedom of Speech is about—to write the truth, be it concealed slyly beneath fiction.

We raise voice on topics of actual value:
It is blasphemous to assume that satire is of no significance to issues of real life. In fact, if anything, satire is the exact opposite. It is born out of frustration in the system’s ability to tackle issues in a swift manner. Never judge a book by its cover. That we are satirists isn’t a reason to neglect the underlying message of our write-ups!

We show people—the politicians, the actors, the cricketers, the celebrities—for what they truly are-
NTMN does not hype inconsequential self-proclaimed morons as “celebrities”, a la Poonam Pandey, Rakhi Sawant, et al. We show you the scenes behind the curtains—that celebrities are just as human as we are; they are just as fallible as we are, unlike what is shown in the media. (Read: Reality Shows)

Some celebrities/politicians have even started fearing us, for we exhibit them without their masks. PR agents of Dr. Manmohan Singh, Mayawati, Digvijay Singh, Rakhi Sawant have frequently contacted us over the past year.

We mock ourselves too:
Our job is to mock, and we do not hesitate to mock even ourselves. Does Times of India have the balls to report actual news? No. As I write this, I look over to the Delhi Times: the headline at the very top reads: “Anushka defends her skinny look.” WELL, DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A DAMN?

We are important, we amuse people but make them think:
The most important reason why News That Matters Not actually matters a lot is that we give people reason to laugh, to smile, while raising issues of even the most sensitive value. Over time, we have covered topics ranging from Mumbai blasts, Independence Day, Chetan Bhagat’s business strategy, Metallica’s India fiasco, growing decline in the popularity of Hindi, political gaffes, an open letter to Kapil Sibal, Kasab’s five-star prison, child abuse, women as commodities amongst numerous others. We have built a huge section of our popularity through our critique on education and societal humour.

We help you smile along, as you come to terms with the insatiable lust of the modern world, the devious motivations of the pretentious saints. We help you see the Mr. Hyde in each and every Dr. Jekyll.

We are awesome:
Dare not disagree with us, mate. Or, a satire piece is coming right up, on you. Take that! (Evil Smile)
Keep giving us your warmth, your support, your love, and we shall keep ripping apart these illusions of the society. Together, we shall build a better, and a saner India. Are you with us?

About the author

Kumar Pratik

Exorcist, Demonologist, and Master of the Dark Arts. Just kidding. Part of NTMN since May 2011 and Editor-in-Chief from 2013 to 2014.


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