So it is our chief editor Tanay’s birthday and we decided to quiz him on various things on this special occasion. (Actually, no one else was ready to spare time for us. So, yeah.)
See how it went.
Sugandha: So how’s it going, Tanay.
Tanay: Call me Sir/Founder/Editor/Chief… anything professional, but “Tanay”? NO. Work is worship for me.
S: Uh-huh, amen to that. Sir.
T: So, what have you to ask, Miss Head of Operations?
S: Oh. Well, before anything else, here’s wishing a very happy birthday to you, in behalf of the whole team!
T: Thank you. By the way, you made a grave mistake there. That should be “on behalf of”, not “in behalf of”.
T: What was that, I hate it when people can’t simply accept their mistakes and learn. Anyway, for your welfare, I’ll explain: “in behalf of” someone means to favour someone, to benefit them. While “on behalf” means on the part of, or in the name of someone. The latter is what you meant, the former is what you said. Too bad. You guys need an editor for everything.
S: Ah-okay. Thanks sir. I learned something new today. Yay. (wipes beads of sweat off forehead)
S: So? So what? Oh yes. So, sir, what are your plans for this special day?
T: I woke up at 6 A.M. today, winters make me a late riser you see. Have been working since then. It’s 9 A.M. already. At 9:30 I’ll go for a bath. 10 o’ clock I’ll read the newspaper, to get more updates on what is happening around the world; in other words, to look for newer topics and people to spoof. 11 to 12 I will watch T.V.—The Lok Sabha channel is my all-time favourite entertainment channel. 12 to 12:30 I will go through my Facebook news-feed, notifications, etc. 12:30 to 1, I will be replying to the birthday wishes on my Facebook wall and inbox messages. Then from 1, I will read a novel for two hours exact. At 3 o’ clock I’ll sit down to edit some articles. You guys have lost all sense of punctuation and grammar, I’m telling you. Making it increasingly difficult for me. Oh, and by the way I sit down for my editing work at or after 3 only so no one can offer to help me with it, since the post has to be published at around 6 in the evening. Nobody here can edit to my satisfaction. I guess I need to edit this useless team now.
S: (interrupting) Oh well sir, so, what after the editing?
T: What after the editing? I’ll publish it, duh! Then I’ll spend an hour reading it again and again, gazing at the sheer marvel with which I add master-strokes to you people’s stupid works. I’ll share it on my personal profile if only I myself really like it, with special recommendation from the Editor. No partiality, say my work ethics. Even if it is my own website. I always make it a point to appreciate hard-working kids, not the ones who make me work hard.
After that I’ll again read my novel. Then will be my music hours! 8 – 8:15 P.M. exact, I’ll listen to my favourite playlist—which has been the only playlist I’ve had since 1995. 9 to 9:30 P.M will be dinner time, then will follow it up with another half an hour in front of the T.V. 10 o’ clock will be my smiling time. 10:30 I’ll go to sleep.
S: Wow. That was quite detailed. And… and… too interesting for a birthday!!!
T: I know. I’m a fun person.
S: (coughs hard, pauses, regains senses) Sir, you’ve been running NTMN for…
T: Not I, my team. Those fools won’t work if I don’t give them their fair share of credit—the only thing I give to them.
S: Okay. So your team has been at it for two years now, how does it feel?
T: I don’t know. Not sure if “good” is a better adjective or “great”. I mean “good” is good, but too less than what I feel. And “’great” is great, but then it could also mean something huge, big, tall—so that could create a confusion in the reader’s mind. So I’ll say I feel good.
S: (rolling eyes) Well, okay. That was quite… precise.
T: Ah, not precise, accurate. I’ll tell you, accuracy is defined as, “The ability of a measurement to match the actual value of the quantity being measured”. While, precision is defined as, “The ability of a measurement to be consistently reproduced”. You see, it’s accuracy that you mean here.
S: (uneasy in my place) Err… to be honest sir, I myself have forgotten what I meant at all.
T: Hahaha, good one. Nice sense of humour there.
T: By the way, have you done all your work? Don’t tell me you’re just wasting your time here? There’s a lot of pending work to be done, and a lot of planning, remember?
S: Oh-uh. Of course I do, sir. In fact, I’m right now working on a piece you could publish today.
T: You’re working on something right now? Whoa. What is it about?
S: A satire on the lifelessness of an editor.
T: M-hmm. That sounds… intense. Good, at this point of time we need to deliver satires on various spheres of life, and not just politics!
S: Don’t worry sir. It is going to be an awesome post. Very different and fresh. Anyway, thanks for your time.
T: Oh that’s alright. Please close the door when you leave. It’s my thinking time.
As I started to leave his chamber, I heard our esteemed chief editor enter into an intense discussion, with none other than himself. He started blabbering something about the beginning of World War III, Osama bin Laden and stuff. I broke into a scamper, and stopped only when I was two kilometres away from his dungeon.
But having said all that, I still knew well that he is a nice gentleman after all—loved and respected by the team. So what if he is a disciplinarian, so what if he is the boring editor of a fun website, so what… err, okay, I’ll leave it there. So I was saying, whatever may be the case, he still is the person working behind every article, ensuring that the effort of the writers comes out most beautifully for the readers to appreciate. So if there’s one man who is involved with the nuances of every piece here, it is him.
(Sorry people, since the final editing will still be done by him, the last para was necessary. Ignore it, for all that we care. I just hope the post gets published. Phew!)
(Illustration by Kumar Pratik)