Current Job: To erect worthless statues all over the state for no apparent reason.
Always dreamt of: Being selected for Miss India finals. Part of the reason, I am still not married.
If I were not a politician, I would have been: A hairdresser at some beauty parlor in a distant village of UP.
Current Job: To censor anything with the keywords “Manmohan”, “Sonia”, “love” etc. (The three words may or may not be used simultaneously.)
Always dreamt of: Being recognized as a tech-savvy superhero, who revolutionized the country. (By abolishing JEE, by banning social networking, by proving the quality of jerks India can produce.)
If I were not a politician, I would have been: A limousine chauffeur of some wealthy businessman.
Current Job: To stay on Silent mode, until specified otherwise by user (Guess who?)
Always dreamt of: Being on top! (Long pause) Of matters at hand, you sick fellas.
If I were not a politician, I would have been: A panwala nearby a general kirana store in town.
Name: Digvijay Singh (Coz I like to Dig! Yo! Yo!)
Current Job: To ramble all kinds of shit in front of the media.
Always dreamt of: Visiting foreign even for once. That’s why I rant all the time –“Isme bhi videshi takaton ka hi haath hoga!”
If I were not a politician, I would have been: A Hindi teacher at a sarkari school.
Current Job: Jobless. Thinking about restarting the family cow-milking business.
Always dreamt of: Bhery long long time, bhanted to speak in Inglis. But, knowing wonly Bhojpuri as maa-ki-jubaan.
If I were not a politician, I would have been: A doodhwala. Is there even a doubt?
Current Job: Getting needless pictures clicked with actors posing as Dalits.
Always dreamt of: Being a ballerina. Or a stripper.
If I were not a politician, I would have been: A waiter at a not-so-fancy restaurant in the suburbs.
Current Job: Holds numerous offices for milking the great Indian food business as well as the cricketing fraternity.
Always dreamt of: Being able to rig a poker game, so that I win every single time.
If I were not a politician, I would have been: A stingy jauhri or makan-malik in the traditional Indian mould.
Name: Rakhi Sawant
Current Job: To appear uninvited at places, TV shows, advertisements, and go on a tirade about my looks.
Always dreamt of: A time when people stopped taking advantage of me. And, I started giving it to them on my own.
If I were not a ‘whatever’, I would have been: A B-grade actress! Or, I still am (looks confused). Shut up, I have to go to a Goa bitch now!