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Youth suggests elusive God Particle could be inside Sachin Tendulkar

Even as physicists at CERN apparently came close to discovering the “God Particle”, a youth from India has suggested them to do the search once in Sachin Tendulkar’s body. Monty Manesar, a 19-year-old lad from Ludhiana, featured in an interview to India TV late Tuesday night. He said, “It is blasphemous to look for such a thing outside the actual God, Sachin. I suggest them to take the samples of Sachin and they will find it easily.” Tendulkar is an Indian cricketer, and God for the third-largest religion in the world after Christianity and Islam.

Manesar claimed to the interviewer that he had been hurt by the neglect shown to his God, by “stupid scientists more blasphemous than Shahid Afridi”. Afridi had recently said he could see Sachin’s legs tremble during a cricket match.

The telecast of his interview was followed by a “rational” analysis by astrologer Daanti Maharaj. He explained, “Steve Jobs found the God Particle when he was in India seeking spiritual solace. The GP, as it is fondly called, carefully tracks its victims’ records, ensuring that the person it occupies is truly deserving. According to folklore, there are three God Particles in the entire universe—the Holy Trinity—who scan the universe for deserving candidates. One is said to be found in Rajinikanth. The second is found in the US President of the current date. The search is on for the third, which some believe, was hiding inside Steve Jobs before his death.”

Daanti Maharaj did not rule out Manesar’s suggestion of Sachin Tendulkar, and said he was pleased by the boy. “I’ve told him to stop going to college. He can have a great career ahead at India TV, and I can teach him thuggery for no fees at all.”

Higgs boson (or “the God Particle”) is a theoretical particle, which if found, would explain some things about matter, even though it does not matter to most of us. Physicists are looking for it with huge desperation. “My wife has said I would be granted a whole month alone at home if I found the particle,” said a CERN expert working at the project. Just as the India TV reporter told him about Manesar’s suggestion, he heard a noise of scientists dancing wildly behind him. Apparently, someone had shouted that he had spotted the Particle in the Large Hadron Collider. A minute later, it turned out that it was just an illusion.

On Twitter: Meanwhile, Poonam Pandey claimed on Twitter that she has the third God Particle tattooed on her upper private parts. She wanted to reveal it to cheer up male scientists few months ago, but the BCCI did not allow her to. Several soccer fans have come out on Twitter against Monty Manesar’s views, and say Lionel Messi must be having the third God Particle. A politics expert tweeted, “We can’t really say, there are several clones as well. Someone was telling me the God Particle is also there inside Sonia Gandhi and Manmohan Singh, and only one of them can be the genuine one.”

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Tanay Sukumar

I founded this website in 2009. I served as Editor-in-Chief from November 2009 to May 2013.
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Student. Explorer. Writer. Guitarist. Head-Banger. Psycho. Yet, imperfect.

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