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Narendra Modi dumps BJP, joins Congress to earn secular tag without having to be secular

In a secular turn of events, Gujarat Chief Minister and the Congress-certified communal leader Narendra Modi has decided to join the Congress party. This development has shocked political pundits and maulvis alike. In the recent months, Modi has refused to eat on various occasions out of sheer frustration of being the only communal leader in the country. These hunger strikes were marketed by the BJP as Sadbhavna Missions. Modi has tried everything—even development of Gujarat—to earn the “secular certificate” from Congress, but, despite making Gujarat the fastest-growing state, his efforts have found few takers in the Secular Core Committee of Congress headed by Digvijay Singh and Jagdish Tytler. His own party has done little to help him. BJP is too happy to have many candidates who are fit to be the Prime Minister (the only problem is they don’t have the majority).

Stung by the secularists and spurned by his own party, Modi today announced his decision to join Congress. “I am a Con(gressi) and I am not a communalist,” is what he said after meeting the Goddess of Secularism, Sacrifice and the Singh, Sonia Gandhi. His new look of wearing the skull cap, the holy cross and red teeka has found instant takers among the Muslims, Christians and middle-class Hindus who are going gaga over his change of heart.

“Today is a great day. Insha’Allah, we will change the heart of every kafir with our goodwill,” said the separatist leader Ahmed Shah Geelani, who was in Delhi for his monthly dialysis.

Narendra Modi is secular from head to toe, declared Manish Tewari.

Modi addressed a press conference outside the most famous shrine of secularism: 10, Janpath. When Chatur Chintu asked him why he chose only Congress, he said, “When it comes to secularism, Congress is Teflon. No charge of communalism or rioting sticks to them. Be it the 1984 anti-Sikh riots, the Bhagalpur riots, the Babri demolition under Narsimha’s regime, dozens of tiny disturbances in Mau, Merrut or the ethnic cleansing of Kashmiri Pandits from the Valley, the Congress comes clean every time. Their unshaken faith in the Gandhi family, who, by virtue of their surname are the most secular human beings, keeps the Congressmen from turning communalists. As a BJP member, I have been run down for the last 9 years as a fascist, while the Congress leaders accused of participating in Gujarat riots still enjoy secular credentials. By joining the only party authorised to declare people secular, I have earned visa rights to USA.”

Meanwhile, the Congress party is overwhelmed at having snatched the last leader BJP had. Manish Tewari declared that Modi is drenched in secularism from head to toe. Kapil Sibal has promised to come up with a zero-loss theory that will prove that not a single life was lost during Gujarat riots. Rahul Gandhi told reporters to ask WikiLeaks about his opinion. Digvijay Singh claimed that it was a plot of RSS and the Nazis. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh said he had no knowledge about any such development. Sonia Gandhi just smiled and flashed the victory sign. 🙂

About the author

Kunal Anand


  • ”No charge of communalism or rioting sticks to them. Be it the 1984 anti-Sikh riots, the Bhagalpur riots, the Babri demolition under Narsimha’s regime, dozens of tiny disturbances in Mau, Merrut or the ethnic cleansing of Kashmiri Pandits from the Valley”.

    ”Manish Tewari declared that Modi is drenched in secularism from head to toe”


    • RAUL vinci !!! Dude, that’s a very special name. Make sure the CBI doesn’t implicate you in some riots etc for using such a ‘great’ name. 😛

  • The text accompanying the link to this post that I shared on my personal profile says: “There isn’t ONE party that is absolutely stainless—be it the BJP or Congress. But we can only compare them. So when it comes to “secularism”, I still believe Congress is MORE secular than the BJP.

    Having said that, here is a fantastic article by our newest writer Kunal Anand.”

    I guess that says it all. Welcome to Team NTMN, Kunal. Hope to keep reading from you. 🙂

    • I guess it was MK Gandhi who once said to an English diplomat-” You are right,but I am also right”.

      Thanks for your honest opinion Sugandha. I will try to come up with more such articles 🙂

    • What good is secularism if it has driven the country to such dire straits in the more-than-fifty years that Congress has ruled India? Am not taking the side of BJP here, but I cannot help feel that Congress is a bunch of hypocrites, who present themselves as a ‘secular’ party! The thing is that Congress does not take side of any religion, it takes side of only its own. They are like the corporate world of today – no heart, no soul, no religion, nothing. All they have ever learnt is divide and rule. And we used to accuse the Britishers of doing that. I guess that makes even us the Indians as hypocrites!
      PS: For the definition of a secular party, look no further than JDU. Nitish Kumar has not only catered to the needs of all the classes, and all the castes, he has never had to use the ‘secular party’ card. For, being secular does not mean ‘not giving a shit about any religion’ but it means ‘being fair to all religions and working towards upliftment of each one of them.’

      • I believe ‘secularism’ is the most abused concept in our country. everyone has his own definition as per his own needs.

        The supreme leader of Congress and Ajmal Kasab have 1 thing in common. Both sport a ‘Raksha’ thread on their wrist when they are on their mission to destroy the fabric of this nation.

        Nitish Kumar is a shining example of how work can be done as well as elections won without blowing the trumpet of secularism.

        • BTW, great article. Good to have you on the team. NTMN is a very happening place, with very happening people, you’ll like it here! 🙂

        • To apply secularism; first define “religion”. Even communism will look like religion if you infuse god (marx) and holy book “das kapital” into it.Anything connected to god cannot be considered religion. when you see so many islamic theocracies in the world , dont you get a feeling that islam is more about political ideology under the disguise of religion?? what about soviet theocracy with communism religion and karl mark god with lenin messenger??? is that fine?? to consider communists as minority religion in india??. Is there any buddhist or Hindu theocratic countries in the world??? NAILS THAT HINDUISM AND BUDDHISM ARE RELIGION AND ISLAM IS A POLITICAL IDEOLOGY UNDER THE CLOAK OF RELIGION. you cant apply secularism to proven political ideologies like communism or even islam

    • No congress is good at cloaking.
      BJP is much better than congress even at secularism.
      The rate of muslim growth in all BJP states is much better than national avg.

      • Hardeep, last year,I was in Gujrat for 3 months. I never saw anyone signs of any tiff between the Muslims and the Hindus. They stay together,trade together(I am talking about the cities as I didn’t visit any village). Both the communities there have moved on.Its time congress leaves them in peace

        • Yes i was agreeing with you. I know NM. He is an asset not only to Guj but to whole of India. He tells you how to uplift people without being discriminatory.

  • Secular Or Communal 2 Faces of the same coin giving 9% Reservation on Religion.Now tell us who is who ? That is why Hindustan needs people like Sri.Narendra Modi CM GUJARAT we can call him Mental Toughness He Man,Be it his ability to sustain in life threatening situations Or his ability to sustain pressure and take a stand when he down,during challenges and controversies determine his Mental Toughness.1}CM Gujarat’s ability to say “No”when you don’t want to tell “Yes”

    • Mr H.G Parekh. Great words! I hope you haven’t missed his half an hour speech during the recently concluded Pravasi Bhartiya Sammelan in Jaipur. Its on You tube. Do watch it to see how confident he is about his vision and how smartly he’s working towards it.

  • Remember the appeasement policy during World Wars from our history books? I find reservation based on cast & religion very similar to that. I fear a bloody end

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