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Terrorists cancel bomb blast plans, after very few Indians bother to turn up at Republic Day functions

Indians’ apathy towards Republic Day celebrations discourages terrorists from executing their plans

Reports coming in say that a terrorist strike that was supposed to be carried out on Republic Day, was abandoned by the terrorists themselves, as the chosen venue did not have sufficient number of people to attract nationwide attention. The primary reason for the successful evasion of the catastrophe is believed to be the lack of participation in Republic Day celebrations by the Indian masses. The poor turnout may very well have gone a long way in saving a couple of hundred lives as well as covering up yet another security gaffe by an already red-faced government.

Not willing to waste costly explosives and detonators on “just a few people”, the frustrated terrorist groups sent death threats to the Indian intelligence camps, thinking that it was the intelligence agencies who had sabotaged their plans. But, this was actually how the agencies themselves got to know that such an attack had been planned. Although some then tried to take credit for the situation, the actual news was obtained by some extremely risky investigative journalism on our part. Apparently, higher-ups have now been informed, and security measures are in place to deal with exigent circumstances in case the terrorists change their mind.

Although the location of the supposed hit has not been revealed to prevent nationwide panic, our source told us that it wasn’t Bombay or Delhi. “The terrorists were trying out a new location. Thank heavens the people had enough sense to remain indoors and watch TV,” was all that he would say. Then, just in case any of his friends or family were feeling even remotely patriotic, he called some and told them to avoid such gatherings.

India’s intelligence camp is also planning to shortly start carrying out public polls and surveys to understand the pulse of the nation, so that they can take more “informed decisions” about the possible threat to the lives of civilians. “We have limited resources, and deploying them wisely is very important. We don’t want to look like idiots like those terrorists. What is the use of elaborate protection details when the public themselves opt to stay at home?” It is now believed that the release and screening of Agneepath in some places may provide the “requisite” turnout for the terrorists to rectify today’s mistake and provide another opportunity. As we departed, graph sheets and charts of several areas of hot-spot terrorist activity were being matched against projected turnouts to prepare a quick security analysis.

Ignorance is bliss; and the fact that we doggedly pursue the humdrum ordinary, without a care for heritage and national pride, may very well have saved our lives. I mean, it is obvious that patriotism is a superfluous emotion when faced with capitalism. While the terrorists remain flummoxed and are executing every body in sight to plug the information leak from their organization, (they still believe that someone may have defected and informed the Indian intelligence!) I guess it remains up to us to decide how much value we want to attach to our national flag, our anthem, and the heritage—all that defines who we are. Times have changed drastically, yet the inescapable fact remains, that some (foolish people that they are/were) put up their lives at stake, to give us all that we now have—to enjoy and to ignore.

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