Khurshid added, “Soniaji ne mujhse kaha: Ye tasveerein mujhe mat dikhao. Jao! Wazeer-e-Aajam ke pass jao! Kaho unko ki hum unka ye Bhagva Aatankwaad ab aur nahi seh sakte. (Soniaji told me to go to Atalji and tell him that we won’t tolerate this saffron terrorism anymore)”.
Mr. Khurshid, who is trying hard to replace Digvijay Singh as the most secular Congress leader, is leaving no stone unturned in the UP polls. Mau has been the seat of one of the most secular leaders of India, Mr. Mukhtar Ansari, who has proved his secular credentials time and again by helping the minorities in various riots. This time around, Khurshid is trying to prove that while Ansari can be a secular local leader, it is Congress that has what it takes to make secularism a national phenomenon.
“Vote for us and we promise to hang Kasab as soon as he dies himself! I don’t care if they hang me for this promise!” said Khurshid with thunderous applause from four Congress clappers clapping in front of two microphones.
In Delhi, Digvijay Singh seemed game for this new competition. Having defeated Manish Tewari in the tussle to be the numero unosecularist, Digvijay Singh was at his intellectual best. “Wrong information,” he said with his trademark smirk. “I was with Soniaji when Khurshid showed her those pictures. She is a strong lady. How can someone who didn’t cry at the live telecast of 26/11 attacks, cry on the death of our brothers from mothers across the border? After the Parliament attack, she vowed, that one day, we shall bring Congress to power so that no friend from across the border, irrespective of his organisational and territorial affiliations, will die trying to visit what is rightly his place: the Parliament.”
Khurshid retorted saying that Digvijay Singh doesn’t know the truth. “He doesn’t know as he was talking on phone with the chief of Lashkar-e-Taiba, informing him about the sad development.”
When a reporter talked to the people after the rally, most of them seemed confused. Aslam, a sugarcane farmer said, “Initially, I applauded thinking that Mrs. Gandhi was moved by the pictures of slain policemen who protected our Parliament. But later when I realised what he was talking about, I felt like doing a Harvinder Singh to him…. look how wonderfully it worked out, Pawar announced he wants to retire from politics, just within a month of the slap. Maybe this is the Brahmastra we have been looking for, to cleanse the politics. Now I know why we had to remove our shoes at the security checkpoint.”
Mohammad Iqbal, a 60-year-old farmer said, “Let the old lady cry. I cried a lot when my son, who served in the Army, was brought in a coffin during the Kargil War. Maybe she lost someone dear that day. May God give her peace.”
Another man, who refused to divulge his real name and referred to himself as Daamad Kasab, said: “If only Manmohanji was Wazeer-e-Ajam at that time, our five brothers would still be alive. But no qualms, I am sure they are enjoying their 72 virgins in jannat.” He however failed to specify if all of the 72 virgins were females.
Meanwhile, the Hindu voters of the area kept away from the rally. When contacted, a senior member of the community said that most of them had gone to different rallies organised by BSP and SP for Brahmins, Rajputs, Dalits and Vaishyas.
Finally, when Soniaji was asked about the incident, she revealed that she had indeed been deeply moved and concerned seeing those pictures. “I was terrified. What if Rahul baba was there in front of those gun-wielding policemen? This is why I rarely allow him in Parliament. I have lost my saasu maa and husband, I can’t lose my son too. I have done more than enough tyaag for this nation.”
“But if he doesn’t attend the Parliament, how will he be able to work once he becomes the PM?”
“Haven’t I run this country for the past eight years with a simulation programme and a statue? It is doing good and even Madame Tussaud agrees that our statue is more life-like than any of theirs. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go for a meeting to discuss whether we can amend the Constitution to make General Qayani the next Army Chief after getting rid of this saffron terrorist V. K. Singh.”
Disclaimer: This article is a parody based on Salman Khurshid’s recent claims, and is not intended to neglect the martyrdom of Indian forces in the 2001 incident, or to hurt any religious beliefs. We expect that this piece of work is interpreted in its intended manner only.
(with inputs from Bijender Sheoran)