2 Samajwadi Party Men Arrested For Eve-Teasing the Real Mayawati, Mistaking Her for a Statue

In a bizarre set of events, Uttar Pradesh police has filed a case of eve-teasing and molestation against two Samajwadi Party workers at the complaint of noted statue-architect Mayawati. It is said that the victim was recently the Chief Minister of the state.

What led to the episode was a grave misconception in which SP’s Achkan Yadav and Kirti Shikari mistook the actual real-world flesh-made Mayawati as one of her several statues around the state. Achkan and Kirti were joshing under the effect of heavy drinking and were returning to their homes leaving their dilapidated bike outside the tavern. Achkan Yadav told us: “Unable to find the route, we were lost in a vacuous area where we saw a statue of Mayawati at the roundabout. We began to touch her cheeks and told her how bad it was that she had lost the elections.”

"She was even holding a purse," said the SP worker

It was only when Kirti Shikari kissed the “statue”, that a slap came patting on his booze-ridden face. The thundering sound made the two men realize that it was not a statue they were cuddling, but sakshaat Mayawati herself who stood in front of them, red-faced with anger. “She was even holding her purse,” asserted Kirti at the police station, defending himself, “so how could we have known!”

Mayawati said in her statement that she was out on a brisk walk after dinner when the incident happened. Since the case was lodged, BSP workers have been protesting against the SP leadership, accusing them of being ladki-baaz among several other foul names. They demanded the protection of all the statues of Mayawati around the state, and have asked for her old security of 415 men to be reinstalled.

Some of our sources, who used to be close to Mayawati when she was the CM, however, tell us that the statues are Mayawati’s “Top Secret Evasion Plan”. According to the sources, “Being the visionary that she is, she knew that one day, she won’t be the CM and whoever comes to power would ask for CBI enquiry against her (as has been the trend in India with every party in every state). Now if you are from Congress, you get a clean chit in this situation. But since Behenji is not from Congress, she will be proven guilty. The Top Secret Evasion Plan of statue-erection was executed just for this reason. The idea of creating gazillions of statues looking like her came from Ra.One. She thought when CBI launches the ‘man-/woman-/it-hunt’ for her, she would stand out in the open and everybody would think it is another one of her statues. Thus she could evade arrest forever.”

(with some inputs from Bijender Sheoran)

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Raj Lidder

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