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5-yr term of govt set to be made ‘shorter’; new rule calls for fresh elections after just 100 scams

We all thought that our Government is hopelessly backward and has no capacity to remedy its ways. But, out of nowhere, it keeps revolutionising itself and surprises all of us. This time, in the wake of General V. K. Singh’s alert on the Tatra deal scam, the Election Commission has recommended a Constitutional amendment for a new tenure length for our Ministers. “No, the new rules would neither extend nor reduce the term of our leaders,” we got to know. Then what’s new? Said a spokesperson for the ECI, “The term would be for 5 years, or till successful involvement in 100 scams, whichever occurs earlier.”

This rule shall assist politicians to swindle public money faster than usual. It becomes the matter of reaching one’s ‘full potential’. It’s the ego factor that comes into play because the label of ‘did not cross the hundred-scam-line’ is quite an insult.

Yes, the tenure will now have a direct impact of the number of scams the Minister involves himself in. If this becomes true, from 2014 onwards:

  1. The Government shall be given an allowance of 100 scams or 5 years, whichever occurs earlier.
  2. Upon successful involvement in a hundred scams, elections shall be held and the process shall continue thereafter.
  3. In fact, completion of 49 swindles entitles the Government to the initiation of a multi-billion dollar project to hit the halfway mark in style.

Voicing against the proposed rule, Kani, a budding politician said, “Our potential has been misjudged and undermined. We are certainly capable of more than just a hundred scams.”

The ECI has drawn up a whole list of such new recommendations which only prove how much corruption impacts our politics. These are with special regard to the contemporary knights (or dreadful cads, as they are popularly called) around the Round Table of India’s Parliament—the place where important decisions regarding important scams are made.

Anna Hazare, a long-forgotten activist, said, “Mera Bharat Mahaan,” before he passed out looking at the breaking news. Although the Lokpal Bill has been a failure, the Government has agreed to provide legitimate information about all ongoing as well as completed scandals to RTI activists as a compensation for the empty stomachs of the Anna contingent. Experts say that this shall help in the prevention of a new scam involving a particular Government’s indulgence in more than the 100-scam quota allotted.

(photo illustration by SataniX)

“All ministers in the Cabinet have been urged to sincerely contribute to every scam that they have been involved in, and any slack behaviour shall be severely penalised,” said Sonia, not to be confused with our Congress President. She continued, “Some Ministers in the Karnataka Assembly were caught watching porn and this is a major distraction. Since there is no limit on the money that we can pocket in every scandal, each member has to do his best.” In the age of Indian politics being dominated by nepotism and cronyism, Sonia has requested her surname to be withheld.

Some devout leaders—the shining white knights of our country—who believe in the concept of Karma visited spiritual leader Swami Nithyananda to seek his blessings. Internal sources say that a brainstorming session was underway to use the Ashram for routing funds abroad. The discussion on corrective actions to nullify their ill deeds took a dramatic turn when Swami made a suggestion which might change the face of Indian Politics. A reporter who overheard the suggestion given by Swami said, “They have been advised to nominate one important personality from every field of scam that they were involved in.”

Suresh Kalmadi, who has received a complementary Aakash tablet with a data plan, said, “I have been listening to Swami’s lectures and have taken his suggestion seriously. I e-mailed my list of nominees of sportspersons to the PM.”

Unconfirmed reports say that Sachin Tendulkar’s induction into the Rajya Sabha might have been initiated by Suresh Kalmadi along the lines of CWG scam.

(ed. Priyanka Mehta)

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Swaroop Sriram

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