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Engineering student invents car that runs on politicians’ bulls**t


Because, the one source of energy that can never run out, no matter what, be it an apocalypse or a zombie-world-domination, is politicians’ bullshit. They will keep churning their waste, concocting their filth, and spewing out bullshit, over and over again.

An illustration of how the car would work

In a sensational turn of events, after the price of petrol was hiked yesterday by Rs 7.50, an engineering student from Delhi Technological University has come up with a new car design that runs on “politicians’ bullshit”. The student has garnered some rave reviews for his invention, as the entire country joins hands in blessings for the man. This exciting news has also eased some pressure off the UPA ministers, who had been hoping that the country would not notice the price hike—unfortunately to no avail eventually.

NTMN caught up with the genius, Kumar Pratik, who is being touted as the next Albert Einstein already in hushed tones. Kumar explained to us about his invention. “You know how petrol prices are on the rise because the energy sources are depleting, right? So, I was just sitting there one day in my class, wondering about the renewable sources of energy, when suddenly it struck me. What is that source of energy that can never run out, no matter what, be it an apocalypse or a zombie-world-domination? Politicians’ bullshit, of course! It is the ultimate energy source. They will churn their waste, concoct their filth, and spew out bullshit, over and over again. Believe you me, it will never run out.” We were confused as to how the new car system would work, so he supplied us with the schematic diagram, and tried to explain the scientific technicalities, which of course went over our heads. So, we bid him goodbye, and started hounding other people for their views.

Honourable Lalu Prasad Yadav was the first one to raise objection. “Bhaat is this boolsit?” Our reporter translated it for him as Gobar, which really spiked his mood. He then explained to us how destiny has finally brought him and his cows to their ultimate moment of success. He also mentioned he could even become a millionaire with all his cattle strength. The social world was abuzz with the news. “Oh my god! Finally, something good has come out of living in this country. No problem for Royce now. Kudos to #bullshitpower,” Amitabh Bachchan tweeted, while Mukesh Ambani updated his Facebook page, “Looks like we have a new business in town.”

Commoners were elated with this news, a down-to-earth couple among them. “Yes, we can afford that car we have been waiting for ages now! God bless politicians. Who could think that their words would make a difference someday?” As for the upper echelons in the society, this news has caused somewhat of a twist. “Hmm, sounds good. We’ll buy one car for my daughter, one for her boyfriend, one for….”

Meanwhile, Poonam Pandey has offered to strip for the engineering student, and Kapil Sibal has vowed to help the cause by spewing more and more bullshit every day. Vijay Mallya has set his eyes on recruiting the boy for “designing airplanes that run on beer”.


About the author

Kumar Pratik

Exorcist, Demonologist, and Master of the Dark Arts. Just kidding. Part of NTMN since May 2011 and Editor-in-Chief from 2013 to 2014.

4 Comments

  • Ahaa, that really earns whistling applause Pratik 😀
    Let’s not talk over whether it matters or not, simply put this article’s link on Parliament webpage 😀

    Ps: If they turn against you then be assured I’ma blow their head off 😉 🙂

    • Even if they do turn against me, what’s the worst they can do? Set up a CBI enquiry that takes decades, or have a committee analyse! I won’t put it up on Parliament webpage, because for that I will have to like their page, and that I can’t do 😛

  • Awesome take !
    Must say, this is indeed a brilliant idea for a supplement of petrol. :p
    Last para was the cherry for me XD.
    great work ! 🙂

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