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India to become a “cartoon-free” zone by 2020, as govt vows to root out cartoonism

When the bill “Ban All Kinds of Cartoons Having Offensive and Derogatory Intentions” (BAKCHODI) becomes a law, India will move a step closer to a cartoon-free India. Cartoonism is the single biggest challenge to our democracy at present, as our MPs spend day in and day out discussing the issue.

In yet another step towards making India a serious superpower by 2020 AD, the government has announced steps to make India a “cartoon-free” country. Home Minister P. Chidambaram and Minister for Information and Broadcasting Ambika Soni addressed a press conference in Delhi where they explained the grave threat of growing cartoonism in India. They assured citizens that the government was ready with concrete plans to deal with the same.

Chidambaram said, “The Bill to Ban All Kinds of Cartoons Having Offensive and Derogatory Intentions (BAKCHODI) is just a baby step towards the India of our dreams. The Bill will be presented in the monsoon session to bring a law for dealing strictly with miscreants.

“Gone are the days when cartoons were funny. We no more live in the innocent era of Tom and Jerry and Tenaliraman. The situation is such that in tomorrow’s paper, you might even see my cartoon!! This form of amusement has now become a tool to terrorize and maim the State. Our PM Manmohan Singh recently rated ‘cartoonism’ as the single biggest threat to Indian democracy,” Chidambaram said with his usual ‘intello-smile’. He assured, “There will be zero tolerance towards cartoonism and all perpetrators will be brought to justice.”

“Recently, there was this highly derogatory cartoon of a great Dalit leader in a textbook. It was a wake-up call for all of us to realize how grave a danger such cartons have become. They can hurt the feelings of Hindus, Muslims, Christians and {(Hindu-, Muslim- and Christian-) (Dalits)}. Have you seen those regular abominable cartoons in newspapers? God! They can lead to mini-wars!” Ambika Soni said, widening her eyes and mouth-cavity.

In wake of regular protests by masses against such defamatory and inflammatory content, the government has asked Facebook and Google to filter such material. Also, the 1,10,000 books with the derogatory cartoons of our Constitution-maker have been recalled from village schools across the country.

When pointed out that the BAKCHODI Bill is against the freedom of expression, Chidambaram smiled again like a saint under the influence of marijuana and said, “This isn’t a total ban. We have exempted Orkut and Cartoon Network from this ban. Also, to assure that our kids get a feel of the glorious past of Indian cartoons, Doordarshan will telecast Jungle Book from the coming Sunday at 11am. You can also read the hand-outs given to you. It lists the various types of content exempted from the forthcoming BAKCHODI law.”

The fate of the BAKCHODI Bill still hangs in balance as people are expecting Anna Hazare to start a hunger strike in opposition. Meanwhile, here’s a list of the things to be exempted from BAKCHODI, according to the hand-outs:

1. Statues of Mayawati.

2. Un-photoshopped photos of Mamata Banerjee.

3. Talking videos of Lalu Yadav.

4. Silent videos of Manmohan Singh.

5. Election speeches of Rahul Gandhi and his brother-in-law Robert Vadera.

6. Any cartoon depicting Hindu Gods who were not Dalit.

7. Any cartoon depicting Muslims and Christians that have been approved by the Shahi Imam and Pope Benedict XVI respectively.

8. Edited versions of R. K Laxman’s ‘Common Man’ series after removing any politicians’ caricature or politically motivated text from them (illustrated below).

This is how R. K. Laxman's cartoons will look if BAKCHODI becomes a law.

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Kunal Anand


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