Inspired by Kareena’s Limca ad, state cricketer drinks Limca non-stop for two days

A 22-year-old cricketer from the slums of Aligarh ended up in ICU today after he kept on drinking Limca non-stop for two days. Apparently, he was inspired by the latest Limca advertisement which shows actress Kareena Kapoor sipping from a Limca bottle all the time while she taunts the twelfth man towards selection in the team. The player, Kripal Singh, is said to be a big fan of the actress.

A neighbour explained, “When he saw Kareena giving such awesome tips to a cricketer (like getting out only to be able to win the game as a runner), he thought he should also do what she does all through the advertisement—drink Limca like crazy. Kripal is a very talented batsman for the state team, but he hasn’t been able to break into the national team yet. After the ad, he thought he had found the right coach in Kareena, and the right solution in Limca.”

For more than a decade, most successful Indian cricketers and celebrities have been rubbing it in our face, drinking Pepsi, Coca-Cola, Slice, etc. on the screen. And so—”Limca has to be the secret ingredient for success… it just has to!” Kripal told us in the hospital. He believes 90% of success in India is due to cold drinks, 8% due to publicity stunts, and a mere 2% due to “approach” and “setting”.

Cold drinks and successful celebs? It was quite an observation and we decided to get the views of the Bollywood diva, Katrina Kaif, who has been making waves with her seductive handling of the bottle of Slice on screen. On reports that the euphoria has led to people all around the country draining Slice on their bodies instead of drinking it, we asked Ms Kaif if the success of celebrities is solely due to cold-drink advertisements. She sported a bemused look and was clearly flabbergasted: “Well, technically, yes. We do owe all some of our success to these beverage advertisements. But, that’s pure business. There’s no science or spirituality involved here. Our success is because of our talent.” Coming from the talented Katrina Kaif, that last statement was definitely helpful enough to answer our question, so we decided not to pry further. Meanwhile the country continues to suffer from Deepika Padukone’s shakes syndrome, which has helped Nescafé register a 335% increase in profits this financial year.

Kareena teaching the cricketer in the ad

News reports suggest that unemployed important personalities have come forward with their views. (Not that anyone cares.) Lalu Yadav has called for disposing all beverage drinks and switching to more mainstream milk advertisements. He has proposed three classes of milk—“Bhains ka doodh, bakri ka doodh, and gai ka doodh”. Liquor baron, Vijay Mallya has pleaded the authorities to let cricketers and celebrities drink alcohol in front of the cameras to boost the ailing Kingfisher. Kapil Sibal organized a press conference to comment on the matter, but before he could, he went on a rampage about abolishing examinations altogether from the Indian education system.

Amid the interest he has created outside, Kripal Singh, the victim himself, who lies ailing in the hospital, is however upbeat about the incident. “This media coverage will now get me a ticket to the Team India Camp,” he said hopefully, as tears dropped from his eyes when he spoke this line. Doctors say it is nothing short of a miracle for a man to have survived after drinking so much of an aerated drink. Kareena decided to play a good Samaritan and visited Kripal in the hospital and offered him a bottle of Limca for further encouragement.

Meanwhile MP Kirti Azad has suggested to the Parliament that the whole ad be investigated and it might unearth a big scam. Rajat Sharma of India TV has volunteered to head the investigating team after unearthing the ongoing IPL scam.

According to famous nutritionist Ms Guddy Maruti, the slogan ‘Aur Pyaas Badhao’ is detrimental for cricketers as it reflects higher intake of aerated drinks, which makes stomach denser and severely decreases the dive range during fielding. Also, the carbonated drinks decrease stamina and may result in singles rather than doubles. According to her, a lot of Indian cricketers are having this problem because they endorse aerated drinks and are forcibly fed during numerous ad shoots.

Just as the report was going to press, we came to know of another young cricketer who has refused to drink anything over the past two days to fulfil the conditions listed by Kareena Kapoor in the ad for Limca. He said he would work hard till the actress herself asks him to have a bottle of Limca and he has decided to work on the mantra Aur Pyaas Badhao.

About the author

Kumar Pratik

Exorcist, Demonologist, and Master of the Dark Arts. Just kidding. Part of NTMN since May 2011 and Editor-in-Chief from 2013 to 2014.

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