Hurt by overdose of satire on IITs, reader murders creators of popular news satire website

In a shocking case of youth homicide, the creators behind News That Matters a Lot—the popular news satire website—were found murdered in their New Delhi office on Sunday morning. Following a massive showdown with the police, Mr. Singh, an exceptionally ordinary (=non-IITian) man, has been taken into custody by the police and accused of murdering them in cold blood.

The statement released to the press has stated anti-elitist demonstration as the primary motive for murder. Accused has revealed that NTML’s partiality towards IITs as their main satire topic has led to a massive increase in the hype surrounding this institution and its students. This is what mainly caused him to have a meltdown and take such drastic steps to end this injustice. His stand against the glorification of IITians and the institution itself has earned him the tag of ‘Elite’ Singh—bestowed upon him by the creative writers of a popular news channel. With such authentic and heart-wrenching media coverage, Elite Singh has managed to gather quite an ‘elite’ fan following himself; comprising of several politicians and F-grade actors, among other (in)famous people—all of whom were favourite targets of the website.

In his statement, Elite Singh has confessed, “I had to take a stand against this injustice! Such websites have forever milked the hype surrounding IIT. Our literary senses have been assaulted by ‘news pieces’ regarding Kapil Sibal coming clean about the new entrance exam—which is a revenge scheme to get back at JEE because he himself couldn’t clear it—or IIT boys getting girlfriends, etc. Nobody is worried about the dismal boy to girl ratio in our country, but everybody knows that IITians don’t get girlfriends. Our minister of HRD is least bothered about the development of the nation, but he just can’t stop interfering in IITs and their affairs!


“I ask what percentage of the country’s population is actually affected by these IIT-‘affairs’?! I say, why can’t people—IITians and non IITians alike—just get over their obsession with these so-called ‘top institutions’ and talk about issues that can actually be called issues of national importance!”

When asked about ending innocent lives for his personal agenda, Singh exploded, “These internet morons, along with our jobless ministers, are creating such hype around the IITs; as if the rest of us don’t belong to this nation! Worse, they claimed to be bloody satirists, kings of sarcasm, humorists, and what not! Their lowly schemes to increase site-traffic, grab an ‘elite’ reader base, and basically make themselves appear as special as IITians had to be stopped. And I chose to shoulder the responsibility of freeing the nation from their evil schemes to gain popularity and a few laughs.”

The opinion about this scandal has been rather… diverse. We caught the prima facie reactions from some specific people over the news. Here is what they had to say:

Rakhi Sawant: “Sa-tyre? Whats is that? (After being explained) Majaak udaate the mera? The to medias wale na? Chalta hai. Mai medias ki beti hun.

Pranab Mukherjee: “Hoye! Kopil Ji and Madam ko botao, khoob khush hoyenge! Internet done, now have to shut mouths in the real world.”

Anna Hazare: “Jo koi bhi the, ye zarur UPA ka kiya dhara hai. Manmohan corrupt hai. Virodh mein Anna aaj ann ko kahenge naa.” (Like always)

Mamata Banerjee: “WHAT! Why didn’t my agents tell me about them? They died an easy death; I would have gotten them jailed had I known!”

The aam janta is closely following the unfolding drama following Singh’s arrest; many people find themselves confused and unconvinced by Singh’s principles, since he has no concrete proof of his worth such as an IIT degree. The nation waits with bated breath to see if this is indeed the end of the IIT era, or just an attention seeking act, perhaps stemming from Singh’s low grade education and anti-establishment thought process. Meanwhile, IITians are mourning the deaths of their greatest publicists and are looking for new platforms to publish their post-degree articles and novels.

(ed. Apoorva Tapas)

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