A new college to teach how to become the finest political crooks

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learnt in school.” — Albert Einstein.

Owing to the growing need of “efficient” and “able” politicians in our country, the Ethics Committee of Parliament has proposed to build an academic institution for budding leaders. This will sure be one institution that will give Einstein’s real education to its students: it will make its students forget what they had learnt at school. How? By imparting the “skills” and “honesty” required to govern a democratic country like India. Yes, The Indian Institute of Democracy (IID) is here.

The idea behind the institution: Indian Institute of Democracy, planned to be operational by the end of 2012 (the link to Doomsday is unintentional), would be the largest political institution and a first of its kind in India. The institute claims that it will churn out the finest politicians of India in the near future. Courses in these activities would be offered on hand :

  • Getting party nominations at any cost.
  • Making false promises.
  • Winning elections by any possible means.
  • Befriending criminals.
  • Utilization of public funds for corrupt practices.
  • Bribe-taking techniques.
  • Safe investments for black money.
  • Organizing bandhs and communal riots.
  • Handling bureaucracy.
  • Staying alert for sting operations.
  • Techniques of facing CBI and other cross examinations.

Admission: Eligibility criteria for admissions include a minimum age of 15 propagating the idea of ‘Start early, Ascend early’. This also happens to be the motto of IID. An entrance exam called AIFEE (All India Farji Entrance Exam) would be held to admit students. The question paper would consist of few MCQs, the answers to which will be disclosed a week before the exam. Any applicant who manages to leak the papers beforehand will be eligible for a scholarship. The examinees will be required to tick the correct option but to accommodate the uneducated thumbprints will also do (volunteers will assist in reading out the question paper to them, of course with charges applied). For smooth conduct of the exam, the authorities have requested the NGO schools across the nation to let the visually impaired students work as invigilators. The application form requires the following data from the candidate:

  • Name.
  • Age.
  • Educational background indicating the number of times the applicant has managed to fail/get suspended or (for better) even rusticated.
  • Criminal history.
  • Public interactions (number of times humiliated by the public on different occasions).

A blank page would also be provided to write a Statement of Purpose which can be substituted with stapled bribe money. The institute would accept any kind of fake documents (birth certificates or mark sheets). Special quotas are expected to be reserved for people who have either been charge-sheeted for corruption, have been dismissed from service for misconduct/misappropriation, have underworld connections or have previous criminal records. For candidates claiming the same, recommendations from ministers, politicians, criminals with a misconduct certificate is a must.

Placements: As a part of internship and training, the students will be taken to Tihar jail. This is to serve two purposes

  • Interaction with famed politicians.
  • Getting acquainted to their future surroundings.

As a matter of fact, eminent politicians like Mr. Lalu Prasad Yadav, Mr. Suresh Kalmadi, Raja Bhaiya and many more have agreed to be the guest faculty at the institute. The institute also provides study-loans for needy students against an undertaking that repayment of loan will be in cash from the money earned by only and only corrupted measures. The Institute being the first of its kind will be established as a deemed University without affiliation to any educational body. It will subsequently establish its branch/affiliated institution throughout the world incorporating the need of the particular country.

The institute has been proposed to be built on ‘benami’ land of our patron politicians bought with money deposited in Swiss banks. Many politicians, cutting across party line, have lauded this idea and have shown eagerness to invest/donate to the institute. The much established political parties like Indian National Congress, the not-so-communist Bharatiya Janata Party and some more have already given consent for campus recruitment. Suggestions from all readers and well-wishers are welcome for making this institute a grand success and inspiring many such institutions in the future.

Jai Hind!

This article is by Arunima Rath, and has been edited by Sunaina Patnaik and Aparna Singh. Arunima, Sunaina and Aparna are interning with NTMN in our 2012 Internship-cum-Training Program.

About the author

Arunima Rath


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