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Kapil Sibal to host second season of Satyamev Jayate, hopes for image revamp

The second season of the hugely popular Sunday show Satyamev Jayate will have a new host. After intensive auditioning among wannabes and social change enthusiasts, Union Minister Kapil Sibal has won the race. It is unclear why Aamir Khan won’t continue to host the show that he made popular with its dramatic pauses and sudden pointless rounds of applause, exaggerated viewpoints and class acting skills. Sources indicate that Aamir is planning to spend the better part of the next year preparing for a space excursion to his newly acquired ‘huge land’ on the moon, where he plans to manufacture God particles.

So how did Star TV arrive at Sibal? “We held auditions, of course. The candidate had to have the right mix of emotional drama, swinging his weight around and coming from an illustrious background. Of course, he also had to have the X-factor. People like the concept of a bad man turning good, and this was what won Sibal the place.”

The race was pretty close though, it seems, with Rahul Gandhi and Rahul Mahajan coming in a close second and third. Anna Hazare was also a close competitor, but he would be too similar to Aamir Khan and his pre-existing pure white image. “Sibal had all the characteristics of a perfect host. People listened to an actor all year long. Obviously the panel feels a lawyer will make a bigger impression.”

Aamir Khan has earned enough to leave the show in the hands of social change maniacs of a “different” kind.

Problems that Sibal wants to address on the show: Mr. Sibal did a press conference immediately, where he was very diplomatic about his ‘change in profession’. “Come now. Everyone has a passion. I love being in the limelight. Forget about that, these last few years have given me quite a bad name in the industry. Aamir worked wonders for the show. Hopefully this will revamp my image completely. No? Okay.”

Sibal also has a slew of important issues he wants to bring to the fore, like Aamir. “Cartoons in textbooks are a major issue that Aamir did not discuss. There are many more issues. We have students under too much stress in colleges in India today. How can a student manage to study for so many exams, while using Facebook and these other networking sites? And then you have these torrent sites and video sharing sites which distract students and increase their stress levels. These must be banned. Yes, these Google doodles also must be banned. They are too tough for me to understand. Add to that those silly tablets that the students carry nowadays. The touchscreen technology has advanced such that it is very smooth and easy to use. This is why I have developed the Aakash tablet, which helps students get up to speed.”

On comparing with Rahul Gandhi as a competitor for the post of host, Sibal reacts, “I am a common man, unlike Rahul baba. He is destined for bigger things. I need this position. The pay is good. Also, you don’t need to actually support things while you preach for them. Aamir sold Coca-Cola while he talked of pesticides. Heck, he ridiculed doctors charging 70,000 for a life-threatening operation lasting 4 hours, while he laughed away to the bank for a show lasting less than half of that time. Three crores, was it? Not bad. Also, I have been an experienced lawyer, I know better than Rahul how to influence people and win things. Remember, I got the IIT Council’s vote in my favour.”

This reporter is hardly as illustrious as Mr. Sibal, and he must observe that the second season of Satyamev Jayate will probably be as good as the first, if not better. After all, Mr. Sibal is of a taller stature than Mr. Khan, is it not? He’s heads and shoulders above him.

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Student. Explorer. Writer. Guitarist. Head-Banger. Psycho. Yet, imperfect.

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