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Salman Khan wins IIFA award for Most Personality-Endangering Cinema

“Delivering hits is one thing, but rapidly churning out mindless blockbusters is another,” said the award presenter at IIFA about Salman Khan. “Having propelled an onslaught of B-grade masala flicks in Bollywood, Salman has given confidence to even the likes of Karan Johar and Farah Khan that they are ‘intellectual’ powerhouses.”

Salman Khan, currently the man of Bollywood, has bagged the prestigious Golden PEC (stands for “Personality Endangering Cinema”) Award at the International Indian Film Awards recently. He was awarded this honour after the stupendous success of his art-house films like Bodyguard, Dabangg and Ready and now with Ek Tha Tiger in the reckoning.

Inside sources suggest that the only criterion for automatic participation was that the average rating of the film by critics and film buffs on Twitter should have been under one star. Apparently, Taran Adarsh was not considered while doing the survey as he has not criticized a single movie.

After these low-scoring movies were listed, they were given points based on how well they did in theatres. 40% weightage was given to the number of single screens running houseful, while 60% weightage was given to the number of shows running houseful in multiplexes. The jury believes that multiplexes attract the “educated” youth who have the influence of world-class movies. The combination of poor ratings but more audience ensured that the jury was dealing with the really ‘stupid blockbusters’.

One of the rare moments in Hindi cinema with Salman Khan fully covered

Needless to say, Bodyguard, Dabangg and Ready (in that order, though officials say it hardly makes a difference) scored the highest points, making Salman Khan the automatic winner of the Golden PEC. News channels also went gaga and started showing stuff like how Salman has bought himself a Rs-1-crore-watch just recently, and how the watch looks and why he chose the same brand which Shah Rukh Khan wears.

Immediately after Salman won the award, India TV quickly capitalized on the situation and put together a show: “Is Shah Rukh Khan going through a midlife crisis?” This apparently succeeded, since many people kept flitting channels from India TV to the award function. Meanwhile, the Presidential race remained predictably ignored.

An official, on condition of anonymity, said, “Akshay Kumar and Saif Ali Khan were also considered—but their flop run was during the 90s. They did manage one or two hits here and there, but they are no Salman. Ajay Devgn was another serious contender but then, he does an Aakrosh or Rajneeti from time to time. Besides, it could only have been a Salman slapstick that could have inspired him to go with Singham!” When asked about Tusshar Kapoor, the official simply laughed.

Though the award does not seem to be one of great prestige, it is after all an IIFA award, which is what has led to a war of words on Twitter. Sonam Kapoor has angrily tweeted, “My dad is on par wid d likes of Tom Cruise and Johnny Depp. Who needs this stupid awrd? Hes d greatest! (sic)” We also heard that Anurag Kashyap was saddened that none of his films was considered. According to many, his last hope for No Smoking is dashed.

Aamir Khan has decided to boycott this award as well, since he believes only an Oscar can do justice to his talent. Meanwhile, some help groups still living in the era of Satyajit Ray, Hrishikesh Mukherjee and Bimal Roy are protesting and asking people to prevent the likes of Salman Khan from single-handedly destroying the IQ of the whole nation.

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Anshul Ghangas


  • its ppl like us who turn these dumb movies into box office golds.dont watch this non sense stuff and see how cinema changes

  • its means the publisher of dis story is ignoring the pubic choice . . mtlb public salman ko pasnd krti hai . . critics ne gand aur moun aik kr dia lekin salman ki popularity up hoi hai un k negative reviews se . . salo ye jealousi chor do . . warna hm tum main itni ched krain gay . . aagy smjh jao phr khud he . .

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