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Govt offices hit by fast internet speeds; computer operators complain of lack of sleep at workplace

Computer operators in sarkari departments are suddenly complaining of severe headaches and nausea, apparently due to high stress levels. The reason is a sudden unexpected jump in the internet speeds at workplace. This has forced them to “work overtime” and it is causing huge agony to the otherwise sleepy and lazy employees. Last heard, they were working tirelessly to get back their “shut-eyes” time.

“Earlier, slow internet speeds in my office ensured that we operators could work at snail’s pace,” an employee narrates his ordeal. “We’d catch a power-nap whenever we needed to upload or download mass data, as it could take anywhere between 15 minutes to a couple of hours. Now such opportunities are scarce, forcing us to go without much needed sleep. We are facing serious trouble.”

The reasons behind the sudden improved speeds are not clear yet, but there are rumours that the upgrade was made at the behest of Rahul Gandhi, who suffered a traumatic experience while using the Congress headquarters’ wi-fi to book a train ticket on the IRCTC website.

In the wake of the problem, the government was quick to step up. Without any auctioning, a large order was placed for Saridon anti-headache pills to combat these growing symptoms that are hampering “productivity” of employees. We tried our best to establish some (any, really) links with the junior Health Minister who released the order for the purchase, and staff members of Saridon (who would benefit obscenely from this deal), but to no avail. Apparently, the rumour that Saridon was chosen because the jingle “sirf ek Saridon aur sardard se aaram” was thought to be appropriate and appealing, is true.

There is also a huge demand for cups of “kadak cutting chai” and paan among the employees, giving a much-needed boost to indigenous industries; the phenomenon is a bright example of how technology should progress hand-in-hand with small scale enterprises—sustainably.

The Indian Railway Catering and Tourism Corporation Limited (IRCTC), meanwhile, plans to go on strike tomorrow. It is angry that due to better connectivity, it will lose the chance to earn a lot of extra money, which it earned till now due to server errors causing failed transactions on its website.

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