#Society #Such-is-Life #Women Staff Picks

New eye-tonic in market to rid men of the disease of staring at women


In what can only be described as a society-revolutionizing initiative, the Women Rights Association of India has come up with an eye-tonic that promises to rid men of their disease of staring. Reports suggest that Yoga guru Baba Ramdev was associated actively with the project; whether as a patient or an expert is yet unknown. The tonic, labelled “V-Men” will be available in the market beginning next month at an affordable price of Rs 25 only, but will last not more than 45 days by standards of Indian men, though it may work for as long as 100 days in USA, depending on the men’s “staring drive”.

Miss Nari Krantikari, a 26-year-old medical student is credited as the inventor of the tonic. We caught up with her, and she kept staring at us to check if we were staring back, before finally settling down for the interview. “Men are dogs!” she barked at the reporter. “Here in India, we keep getting X-rayed every next second by some man or the other. Not just the pretty faces, but anything that moves, and is of opposite sex will be stared at, as simple as that. What are we supposed to do? Keep our eyes down and simply go about our life? Bah, none of that any more, thanks to my invention.”

The recipe behind the V-Men is being kept secret, although NTMN did manage to get its hands on some information. Apparently, the eye-tonic’s most important ingredient is “oestrogen”, the sex hormone responsible for female characteristics. When a man uses this tonic, it gives him the false sensation of staring at women, thereby eliminating the need to actually stare.

The eye tonic will cure such men.

Although a revolutionary invention, the major roadblock it faces is in convincing the men to actually pay for and use it. Some men have already rejected the idea of V-Men, claiming they want only the real thing, and will not compromise with simulations. Others have raised the question why should they pay 25 rupees for treating something that is not causing them any problem, akin to the problem faced by deodorant brands these days. This has led to demands by the Women’s Rights Association that Government should subsidize and enforce the usage of the eye-tonic in every home.

V-Men has gained mass-backing from the women community, who seem buoyed that they finally have a solution. It has even been proposed by the WRA that V-Men can be a viable substitute for pepper-spray. But, the product has not gone down well with the male community which has come up with demonstrations and slogans, such as “We stare, because we care. Not because we want to see you bare” and “Even your V-Men has Men in it. Men rule, they always will!”

Helplessly ailing with this disease at an embarrassing age, N. D. Tiwari has already signed up for the trial run of the tonic, our sources report.


About the author

Kumar Pratik

Exorcist, Demonologist, and Master of the Dark Arts. Just kidding. Part of NTMN since May 2011 and Editor-in-Chief from 2013 to 2014.

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