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50% of all “general category brides” may soon be reserved for “backward caste grooms”

In a move stinking of vote bank politics, the Indian government is trying to pass a bill that reserves half of all the general category brides in the country for Dalit grooms. Explaining the rationale behind the bill, Manish Tewari said, “Majority of the backward class men have been influenced by the amazing personality and charisma of our esteemed Secretary, Rahul Gandhi. Hence, they obviously can’t get a girl for themselves.”

As the gathering of mediapersons seemed to appreciate the logic inside the statement, Tewari continued, “To make matters worse, most of the backward class girls are now trying to emulate the understated appeal of our valuable ally, Mayawati. Put two and two together, you can guess how hard it must be for backward castes to find a suitable mate.”

The bill, if passed, can have far-reaching effects on the Indian society. Every child born to a mixed-category couple will have an SC/ST/OBC tag attached to it for life. As is common knowledge, this tag helps students get cheap education without even lifting a finger. So, this move is expected to wipe out the so-called upper castes within a few generations, as they have been the principal enemy of vote bank politics for a long time.

The HRD minster, Kapil Sibal further elaborated, “Based on our observations, once the bill is implemented, population of the Brahmins shall follow the half-life pattern of Uranium. We have still not figured out the exact science behind those numbers so we will hire some experts soon.” In a completely unrelated incident, Kapil Sibal was later overheard telling JEE aspirants to study the concepts of radioactivity thoroughly.

A general category man with apparently a general category girlfriend protests against the bill.

Needless to say, before the bill becomes a reality, it faces the wrath of the open category, which is expected to fight against this tooth and nail. However, some women expressed joy over this bill. Said a particularly pretty girl, “I want to marry a person who will support me financially. My parents have chosen a government-serving Brahmin boy for me. How am I supposed to marry someone who has absolutely no chance of getting a promotion in office?”

The chairperson of National Commission for Women (NCW), Mamta Sharma has praised the idea. She said, “This is a revolutionary bill. It will save women from the oppression of having to choose a partner of their parents’ choice. We have started a match-making website built exclusively for such marriages. It will work even if the bill is not passed. We will promote all the eligible bachelors in town on that website. The details of their jobs, bribes, expected promotions will all be uploaded on the website. Brave girls who want to break free from the poverty and helplessness associated with the so-called upper castes can register on the website.”

Meanwhile, rumours have it that depending on the political situation, the government may tweak the bill a bit to reserve open category grooms for backward caste brides. Marrying Rahul Gandhi and Mayawati would serve as a good example, also ensuring BSP’s unconditional support to the UPA forever.

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Soham Sabale

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